Intermission Staff – The Stanford Daily https://stanforddaily.com Breaking news from the Farm since 1892 Fri, 20 Oct 2017 17:17:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.3 https://stanforddaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/cropped-DailyIcon-CardinalRed.png?w=32 Intermission Staff – The Stanford Daily https://stanforddaily.com 32 32 204779320 The Best of FYF 2014 https://stanforddaily.com/2014/08/29/the-best-of-fyf-2014/ https://stanforddaily.com/2014/08/29/the-best-of-fyf-2014/#respond Fri, 29 Aug 2014 23:06:50 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1087740 FYF Fest held its 11th annual music festival this past weekend at Los Angeles State Historic Park.

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(Photo courtesy of Rich Fury for FYF Fest)
By Irene Hsu and Madeleine Han

FYF Fest held its 11th annual music festival this past weekend at Los Angeles Sports Arena and Exposition Park. From its rock headliners, Phoenix and the Strokes, who paid tribute to the festival’s punk rock origins; to electronica sets by Les Sins and Four Tet, a nod to the recent EDM surge, the festival proved to hold its own against older siblings such as Coachella and Outside Lands. Maddie and I ended Sunday, arms sore from fist pumping and arches aching from shuttling between stages. Here’s our compiled Top 10 from this weekend’s musical buffet. (IH)

1. BEST ABSENTEE TREND: Headdresses, Flower Crowns and Festival Paraphernalia

The Best of FYF 2014
(Courtesy of Carl Pocket for FYF Fest)

Every year, festivals like Coachella prompt a flurry of articles about the cultural-aesthetic controversies of festival fashion. Is it offensive to wear a Native American headdress for aesthetics’ sake? (Probably.) Are flower crowns still a thing? (No, unless you’re Lana Del Rey circa 2011.)

The folks at FYF turned the tables on festival style, for there was hardly a feathered headdress or a peony crown to be seen. Instead, festival-goers opted for sneakers over heels, sunglasses over headdresses, caps over crowns. While FYF 2014 probably won’t be making any best-dressed lists anytime soon, the thought of having to navigate swarming crowds in 90-degree heat would make any seasoned festival-goer reach for her Birkens. (MH)

2. BEST OPENER: Earl Sweatshirt

(Courtesy of Chris Carrasquillo)
(Courtesy of Chris Carrasquillo for FYF Fest)

Earl opened with Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” If you think it’s a joke, you think correctly.

After indie rock band Built To Spill, hundreds of people are waiting for Earl when he bounds onto stage, shouting, “What the f— is good, FYF?” and proceeds to blast the standard. The crowd feels baited. But a few people haltingly begin to sing. Soon, everyone finally joins in — then Earl, that tease, cuts the song — “Alright, let’s get the f— into this real West Coast gangsta sh–,” and plunges into an explosive performance of “Blade.”

The set as a whole was anticlimactic at best, whether because of bad transitioning or perhaps from fatigue (he had cancelled shows in his tour due to exhaustion). Even so, his individual performances from “Doris” were passionate, and he played an unreleased song produced by fellow Odd Future member, Left Brain. If his rapping didn’t win you over, it helped that he was irresistibly chummy — teasing, if not charming. (IH)

3. BEST LAST ACT: Phoenix

(Courtesy of Debi del Grande)
(Courtesy of Debi del Grande)

We were accompanied to the last show of Phoenix’s tour by one of our friends, a die-hard Phoenix fan who had already seen them twice live. Not being devoted fans of the band ourselves, we inquired as to what she saw in them. Her gushing reply:  “Dude, I don’t even know why I love them so much. I just do.”

Then, the lights dimmed and the crowd grew quiet as four darkened silhouettes strutted on stage. After a moment of silence, the cry of an electric guitar pierced the air, underscored by a drumbeat-synth-heavy melody as the band launched into the ever catchy “Entertainment.” There was no denying that the band’s happy alt-pop vibes were infectious. Lead singer Thomas Mars’ endearing drawl carried the audience through classics (“Lisztomania,” “1901”) and lesser-known songs (“Funky Squaredance,” “S.O.S. in Bel Air”) alike — and the audience, in turn, carried Mars when he threw himself into the ebullient crowd halfway through the set.

As the last chords of Phoenix’s set  rang through the arena, I looked over to see tears welling up in her eyes. Just an hour ago, we would have made fun of her; now, we felt ourselves doing the same. Maybe it was Mars’ unrestrained performance, or the fact that Day One was ending, or the totality with which the rest of the band threw themselves into their set, but the converted Phoenix fan in us would be unable to get the final show out of our heads  for days to come. It’s clear that the band has that je ne sais quoi. We don’t even know why we love them. We just do. (MH)

4. BEST STAGE: The Arena

(Courtesy of Tod Seelie)
(Courtesy of Tod Seelie for FYF Fest)

For a festival like FYF, a venue like Los Angeles Sports Arena and Exposition Park started out as a historic mess. But the redeeming quality took the form of the giant stadium called the Arena. Aside from Saturday’s riot during Chet Faker’s set, the Arena was a dependable source of usually electronic music. While the rest of Los Angeles was baked into a sunburnt toast, darkness canvassed the Arena. Colored light from the stage and the cluster of disco balls overhead sliced into the pulsing crowd, dancing to the thumping beat of performers like Todd Terje, Four Tet and Darkside. The Arena? More like Underground: Electronica. (IH)

5. BEST UP-AND-COMING: Kelela

(MADELEINE HAN/The Stanford Daily)
(MADELEINE HAN/The Stanford Daily)

Kelela was haunting as soon as she stepped onto stage, shrouded by a veil of white lights. Her voice was synesthetically translucent, as though descending from an ethereal world and coiling its way around the Arena. Whether it was this shimmering voice, or the atmosphere of the Arena, or dissonance of her music, Kelela’s set was eerie and soulful. Her live persona was enchanting, as she winded cross the stage, throwing her body and soul into the show.

Kelela also tugged at the heartstrings of fans and newcomers alike, pausing periodically during her set to thank the audience for helping her transition from her nine-to-five job at her local call center to a full-time musician. “I never get tired of playing my shit,” she said, looking to the future. And it doesn’t look like we’ll get tired of hearing it, either. (IH and MH)

6. BEST DOUBLE DUTY: Daniel Snaith/Caribou/Daphni

(IRENE HSU/The Stanford Daily)
(IRENE HSU/The Stanford Daily)

It was no secret that FYF did some double-duty-booking this weekend — most people know the Strokes’ Julian Casablancas and Albert Hammond, Jr. played on Saturday and Sunday respectively, leading up to the finale of the festival.

But a lesser-known double duty was Daniel Snaith, electronica and minimal techno musician. On Saturday, he played as Caribou; on Sunday he played as Daphni, his dance music alias. In reality, both aliases performed to a fluid crowd in the Arena on both days, bringing to life Snaith’s self-described “liquid dance music” from his2010 Pitchfork interview. Highlights from Caribou included the juxtaposition of crisp and reverberative from his “Swim” album hits; as Daphni, Snaith layered on pulse after pulse, toying with a crowd that pounded for the beat to drop.

One would’ve had to miss Julian + The Voidz for Caribou and Mac DeMarco for Daphni. But when Snaith hits the rhythmic jackpot not once, but twice, what else is there to do but dance away? (IH)

7. BEST SECURITY: Front-Row Guard at the Arena

(Courtesy of Richard Fury)
(Courtesy of Richard Fury for FYF Fest)

Saturday was a bad day for security. A lack of planning on the part of FYF’s organizers created long entry lines, forced disgruntled restroom-searchers to walk in circles around the venues and prevented concertgoers from occupying otherwise unoccupied seating areas during shows.

From the Arena, cue: the front-row Contemporary Services Corporation (CSC)  security officer (whose name we regrettably did not obtain), the man who would change our minds about security from here on out. As soon as he spotted our group trying to find a spot near the stage, not only did he clear for us a path through the crowd, but he secured us a place in the FRONT ROW. Daphni. Daniel Avery. Electronica. Experienced from the front row. Who was this silent, six-foot one, bald-and-polo-clad lion-hearted mystery dude?! Challenge: Find him in the photo. (Hint: He’s the guy in yellow.)

During the show, we gazed at him in awe as he offered audience members earplugs when the bass grew too saturated, stopped an intoxicated fan from trying to leap onto the stage from the third row and tracked down shoulder-riders who remained oblivious to the plight of short concert-goers everywhere. To the kick-ass CSC officer: keep doing your thing. (MH)

8. BEST NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE: Moshing to the Strokes

Be careful what you wish for … like when you wish to be front-and-center for the Strokes.

Prior to the Strokes, HAIM rocked out on Main Stage to an already packed crowd, among which Maddie and I were front-and-left. But when it was time for the headliner to take the stage, the crowd began to violently rock back and forth, and we inexplicably found ourselves crammed into a pretty sweet (and sweaty) view of stage … if only everyone in front of us weren’t so tall. It didn’t help that the Strokes were 15 minutes late (as usual). Once Julian took the mic, the crowd went wild, and once the band hit the first beats of “Barely Legal,” humanity as we know it degenerated into a barbaric mass. Sweat was indistinguishable from tears, and unfortunately, screams were indistinguishable from the Strokes. During “Welcome to Japan,” “Machu Picchu” and “Reptilia,” we went from standing to being suspended above ground between sweaty bodies; as we got elbowed in the guts and punched in the face; as the buttocks from crowdsurfing enthusiasts landed on our heads.

Sometime during this fiasco, I remember Julian muttered into the mic, “Chill out, guys.” No one listened — because if we had died, at least we would have died rocking out to the Strokes. (IH)

9. BEST PROTIP:  Ask and You Shall Receive

(Courtesy of Jasmine Lin)
(Courtesy of Jasmine Lin)

As we trudged the long walk from Main Stage to the exit, flanked by fatigued crowds, we began to experience the stomach-rumbling, throat-tickling, post-festival discomfort of having danced for nearly 12 hours straight in Los Angeles heat. Though most of the food vendors were still open, most people seemed too tired to stop and grab a bite before heading home. As the walk dragged on, we asked an abandoned smoothie vendor if we could take some of the leftover fruit on the counter in an act of desperation — only to be invited to help ourselves. We tried the same technique on other vendors. By the time we reached the entrance, we had amassed six bananas, one orange and a large water bottle (pictured here post-Strokes mosh) without forking over a single cent. Thanks, mom, for teaching us our P’s and Q’s. (MH)

10. BEST TEAR-JERKER: “I’ll Try Anything Once” by Julian Casablancas + The Voidz

We’ll let this one speak for itself. (MH)

 

 

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What to see at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival in Palo Alto (July 26-31) https://stanforddaily.com/2014/07/24/what-to-see-at-the-san-francisco-jewish-film-festival-in-palo-alto-july-26-31/ https://stanforddaily.com/2014/07/24/what-to-see-at-the-san-francisco-jewish-film-festival-in-palo-alto-july-26-31/#respond Thu, 24 Jul 2014 23:55:24 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1087048 By Winni Cherukuri, Katrina Man and Langa Tran From July 24 to August 10, the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival will be screening a variety of films and television shows, from personal and poignant documentaries to unconventional and barrier-breaking films, all around the Bay Area. From July 26 to July 31, the festival will come […]

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SFJFFcolorlogo-01By Winni Cherukuri, Katrina Man and Langa Tran

From July 24 to August 10, the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival will be screening a variety of films and television shows, from personal and poignant documentaries to unconventional and barrier-breaking films, all around the Bay Area. From July 26 to July 31, the festival will come to CineArts Palo Alto Square. Tickets are $13 for students and seniors and $14 for general admission, and can be purchased at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival’s website.

Here is The Daily’s look at what to see in Palo Alto.

“Comedy Warriors”

This charming and uplifting documentary is undoubtedly one of the most inspiring films featured and is sure to be a big hit with audiences. “Comedy Warriors” details the story of five seriously injured Iraq/Afghanistan veterans who find solace through the power of comedy. With the help of four hugely successful comedians — Zach Galifianakis, Bob Saget, B.J. Novak and Lewis Black — these wounded soldiers brace themselves for a whole new kind of mission: stand-up comedy. Although significantly less difficult than the experiences these veterans are used to, stand-up comedy proves to be a battle in its own right and is yet another obstacle they work to overcome. This brilliant and hilarious film is sure to bring about both tears and laughter as it depicts just how significant of a role comedy play in the healing process. – WC

Screens Thursday, July 31 at 7 p.m.

“Shtisel”

One of the most realistic and well-scripted shows in Israeli television,”Shtisel” lays on the drama and sophistication with every new episode, while still maintaining the ability to resonate with the everyday Haredi family. The series’ detailed portrayal of the most authentic aspects of an Orthodox home is entirely unique and poignant. “Shtisel” has quickly become a big success for the YES cable channel and is sure to captivate and intrigue viewers of all backgrounds. – WC

Screens Wednesday, July 30 at 1:05 p.m.

“For a Woman”

French director Diane Kurys’ riveting movie, “For a Woman,” features an impassioned love affair as well as serious political turmoil. The movie tells the dramatic tale of a young writer, Anne, who begins to uncover important family secrets pertaining to her Jewish history shortly after her mother’s death. The more that is revealed, the more deeply you will be pulled into Anne’s pursuit to discover the truth about her parents’ life in post-war France. With an inviting feel of mystery as well as an undeniable sense of love and passion, this movie, full of suspenseful intrigue, is nothing short of thrilling for its entire two-hour length. – WC

Screens Saturday, July 26 at 8:45 p.m.

“10%: What Makes a Hero”

This compelling documentary examines how we define heroes around the world. For this mission, Director Yoav Shamir travels all around the world, from San Francisco to New York, South Africa and Israel to talk with a wide array of people and even animals. “10%: What Makes a Hero” challenges viewers to empower themselves and find ways they can positively impact entire communities. – WC

Screens Sunday, July 27 at noon

“Village of Peace”

“Village of Peace” is an eye-opening documentary that you won’t want to miss. Through a series of interviews, this documentary explores the history and the culture of  a black Hebrew community flourishing in Dimona, Israel, who fled the brutal conditions of the US in the 1960s to establish a more meaningful lifestyle in Israel. In their pursuit of a closer connection with their creator and their culture, those featured in this documentary created a society centered on embracing the arts and enhancing quality of life. With the help of feel-good music, passionate dance moves, savory food, and most of all, a strong belief in morals, such as faith and selflessness, they built a village devoid of poverty, prostitution and hunger. In essence, this documentary reveals how a group of people used faith to a create village of peace.- LT

Screens Wednesday, July 30 at 8:50 p.m.

“The Secret Life of Uri Geller”

This documentary delves into the life of a man with almost supernatural abilities. In the 1970s, Uri Geller captivated the hearts of millions all over the world through his uncanny ability to read minds and bend spoons with the touch of his fingers. While his main passion in life may have been to entertain the masses and embrace his fame, Geller also led another, more secretive life. From his early beginnings in the Mossad, an elite Israeli spy group, he soon became a salient worker for not only the Israeli and Mexican governments, but also the American CIA. In a thrilling series of interviews, this documentary explores the ins and outs of how Geller led a double life as an entertainer and a spy. One more bit of information: Geller was first sent to the United States to study at the Stanford Research Institute, right here in Palo Alto! -LT

Screens Monday, July 28th at 8:35 p.m.

“A Place In Heaven”

Directed by Yossi Madmony, “A Place in Heaven” is a film that will touch hearts as it beautifully portrays the obstacles of a man whose nature hinders his ability to carry out one of his most important duties: being a good father. A force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, Bambi, played by Alon Aboutboul, fosters a belligerent and selfish attitude towards life. As a result, he becomes increasingly dissatisfied with the way his family life unfolds. However, hope is not lost because while Bambi seems to be at an impasse, his virtuous son, Nimrod, decides to pursue a more ascetic lifestyle and endeavors to ensure that his father receives a place in heaven.- LT

Screens Wednesday, July 30 at 8:50 p.m.

“24 Days”

Based on true events, “24 Days” captures the gruesome story of the Jewish salesman, Ilan Halimi, and his ordeal with the anti-Semitic group, the Gang of the Barbarians. Director Alexandre Arcardy does a wonderful job of capturing the story through multiple points of view, from his torn family to the determined police force to Halimi himself and his captors. Although the plot alone is rather powerful, Arcardy forces viewers to look at Halimi’s story from an interconnected web of perspectives rather than one perspective alone. The film not only does a terrific job of keeping viewers on the edge of their seats, but it also raises various questions on the nature of anti-Semitism and how it is being dealt with in the modern-day world. “24 Days” is not simply the story of Ilan Halimi; rather, it is also the story of us as humans and how we choose to react to crimes against humanity. -KM

Screens Sunday, July 27 at 8:55 p.m.

“112 Weddings”

Directed by Doug Block, this raw documentary tackles the ideas of marriage, love and the preconceived notions of happily ever after. Following several couples’ marriages, Block does not shy away from capturing both the high and low points of those pairings. Block does a fantastic job of offering a more grounded view of marriage, which is too often idealized. However, what really sets this documentary apart is the way Block approaches each subject. He lets the subjects speak for themselves, offering little commentary and letting the viewers find their own answers in the midst of such complicated topics. -KM

Screens Sunday, July 27 at 4:25 p.m.

“Havana Curveball”

This documentary follows 13-year-old Mica as he embarks on a Bar Mitzvah project with the hopes of finally entering manhood: Mica has decided to travel to Cuba in hopes of helping supply baseball equipment to youth baseball teams. “Havana Curveball” does an exceptional job of capturing the complications that arise on his journey: the political relationship between America and Cuba, the language and cultural barriers, and the other harsher realities of Mica’s project. What initially seems like a romantic, feel-good documentary becomes a lesson in the difficulties faced when taking action and the determination and perseverance that are needed to make a change. -KM

Screens Thursday, July 31 at 12:30 p.m.

“The Last Mentsch”

Beautifully directed and written by Pierre-Henry Salfati, “The Last Mentsch” follows an elderly Marcus Schwartz as he uncovers his Jewish past in order to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Crossing paths with a young German woman, Gül, the two embark on a journey to validate Marcus’ life as Mena’hem Teitelbaum, a survivor of the Holocaust. “The Last Mentsch” deals with the difficulties of recognizing and validating the past. What starts off as a mission for others to recognize his Jewish heritage ends as Schwartz’s internal mission to accept himself as Mena’hem Teitelbaum. “The Last Mentsch” is a poignant film, which reminds us that the best story is not always the one we prefer to hear, but the truth. – KM

Screens Sunday, July 27 at 6:55 p.m.

Visit the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival’s website for tickets and more information.

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Top 5 Affordable Eateries within a 5-mile radius of campus https://stanforddaily.com/2014/07/19/top-5-affordable-eateries-within-a-5-mile-radius-of-campus/ https://stanforddaily.com/2014/07/19/top-5-affordable-eateries-within-a-5-mile-radius-of-campus/#respond Sat, 19 Jul 2014 07:01:42 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1086771 Living on a college budget can make finding delicious, cheap food nearly impossible.

However, you don’t have to sacrifice quality when going out. Here are the top five affordable, appetizing restaurants within a five-mile radius, where you can get a meal for less than $10.

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By Lisa Hao and Yuki Klotz-Burwell 

Living on a college budget can make finding delicious, cheap food nearly impossible.

However, you don’t have to sacrifice quality when going out. Here are the top five affordable, appetizing restaurants within a five-mile radius, where you can get a meal for less than $10.

(FRANCES GUO/The Stanford Daily)
(FRANCES GUO/The Stanford Daily)

1. Tava Indian Kitchen, 855 El Camino Real, Palo Alto, CA 94301

Indian meets Chipotle at this make-it-your-own “fast-casual” restaurant at Town and Country Village. You can customize your own burritos, rice bowls and salad bowls. Not only are there a variety of sauces, but there are meals for vegetarians and vegans, too. You can grab your food and go, or sit down to enjoy your meal. Prices start at $7.50.

2. Gyros Gyros, 498 University Ave., Palo Alto, CA 94301

Open from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. every day on University Avenue, Gyros Gyros is the best value for your money for Mediterranean food. Wraps, gyros, salads and kebabs all cost less than $10, and the chicken gyros are not something you want to miss.

3. Driftwood Deli & Market, 3450 El Camino Real, Palo Alto, CA 94306

Now that the Ike’s Place on campus has closed and you need to find a new place to grab tasty sandwiches, look no further than Driftwood. You can order from a large selection of house specials or build your own sandwiches using Driftwood’s freshly-baked bread. You can also pick up cookies, chips and drinks to complement your order.

4. Taqueria La Bamba Ay Caramba, 580 N. Rengstorff Ave., Mountain View, CA 94043

If you’re in a rush and craving Mexican, La Bamba is the place to go. Their burritos and chips surpass Chipotle’s (yes, we went there) and taste more authentic. Their signature Al Pastor Super Burritos are enormous, delicious and can fill you up no matter how hungry you are. Pupusas, tacos and nachos are also great and affordable choices. Service is always friendly and it’s always a great experience.

5. Maru Ichi Japanese Noodle House, 368 Castro St., Mountain View, CA 94041

You can’t go wrong with this classic Japanese-style ramen stop. The broth is flavorful but not too powerful and the noodles always have the perfect consistency. To cap it off, you also get a side like gyoza, don or sushi with each ramen combo. Although the business only takes cash, all dishes are under $10.

 

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Sex Talks with the Tree: The Tree talks STI testing with Qpid.me https://stanforddaily.com/2013/05/31/sex-talks-with-the-tree-the-tree-talks-sti-testing-with-qpid-me/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/05/31/sex-talks-with-the-tree-the-tree-talks-sti-testing-with-qpid-me/#respond Fri, 31 May 2013 21:59:28 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1077643 Qpid.me is a new resource that works with your health care provider to share safely your most recent STI results with your potential partner, lover or one-night stand. Already featured on CNN, The Huffington Post, CBS News and in The New York Post, Qpid.me boasts: “Spread the love, [and] nothing else.”

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It is midnight as you stumble out of the sweat-infused, crowded bar. Your ears ring from drunken whispers and cheesy-yet-fabulous sing-along songs. The fresh air outside gives you a few moments of much-needed clarity after your dose of one-too-many designer cocktails. But you are not alone; next to you is a guy or gal who you want to take home. You have been kissing, and their use of just the right amount of tongue makes you want to take them back to your place and ravage them. Stop. You just met a random person at the bar: how can you trust that he or she is sexually safe?

 

I have always been that girl who makes it a requirement for my partner to get tested before we can be intimate together. Though I feel safer about this in the long run, the necessary amount of self-control is difficult to sustain, especially if I am in the embrace of a man and most of the blood that runs through my brain has swiftly surged and swelled elsewhere. What if asking the question, “Have you been tested?” became faster, easier, safer and more reliable?

 

Qpid.me is a new resource that works with your health care provider to share safely your most recent STI results with your potential partner, lover or one-night stand. Already featured on CNN, The Huffington Post, CBS News and in The New York Post, Qpid.me boasts: “Spread the love, [and] nothing else.”

 

Creator and CEO Ramin Bastani started Qpid.me when a girl slapped him in the face after he asked if she’d been tested. According to Bastani and Qpid.me, the “…key component missing in HIV and STD prevention today is shareability. To make informed sexual health decisions, you must not only be informed about your own health, but also about your partner’s health as well. We enable you to privately share your STD status however you choose. We believe that sharing is a good thing and that it can lead to better sexual health decisions, more (safe) sex and fewer STDs.”

 

Qpid.me also features maps that show all of the local testing centers in your area, making it even easier and safer to stay on top of your health and your partner.

 

I was so excited to join this revolutionary service that I immediately logged on and created a profile. It was easy to sign up; the first step requires you to sign a HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) agreement online, requesting your recent STI results from your health care provider. Normally, Qpid.me helps to make this process informative, fast and easy, but for some reason Vaden denied my request for a healthier sex life.

 

Upon further investigation, one Vaden representative told me, “Our obligation and priority is to see that the student has his/her health information if he/she wants or needs it. We release information to the student, and the student can then pass the information on to the third party. There are, of course exceptions, most of which involve medical treatment or legal requests. A disclosure to a ‘third party health source’ such as the one you describe below is a requested disclosure with authorization–HIPAA considers this type of disclosure to be “permissible” but not required.”

 

Though Vaden allowed me to view my records, they did not allow me to release them to a third party (though this is allowed and encouraged by HIPAA law), and Qpid.me smartly does not accept medical results unless they come directly from a doctor. Unfortunately, a sketchy and untrustworthy person could alter their own records and then send them in. But alas, Qpid.me has thought of everything to ensure their customers’ safety and privacy. Qpid.me only accepts valid and accurate secure records directly from a testing center.

 

I had the privilege to interview David Harlow, a seasoned and accomplished healthcare privacy and security attorney, whose expertise includes being a charter member of the external Advisory Board of the Mayo Clinic Center for Social Media, and recipient of an “Rx for Excellence–Heroes From the Field” award in 2010 by the weekly law publication, The Massachusetts Medical Law Report. The basic idea behind HIPAA is “to protect the individual,” Harlow argues.

 

“[What is best for the patient] is not for the clinic to decide,” notes Harlow. Harlow continues that there is no downside to releasing authorized medical records to a third party like Qpid.me; the key of HIPAA law is to protect the patient, not healthcare providers who may not morally support a new company such as Qpid.me.

 

Qpid.me has already worked with Stanford rival schools UCLA and USC, who have not only been legally supportive, but have also praised this new significant resource that can help keep their students even safer. Perhaps it is just my former Tree self who feels competitive, but I like it when Stanford wins; from football, to tennis to psychology, Stanford has always strived for the best and pioneered in every field. Why stop now? As a graduating senior, I would like to contribute to my beloved alma mater to help protect the overall health of all future generations of Stanford students.

 

______

 

Here are a few take-away points and Q and A’s for you about Qpid.me, sexual health and the law:

 

Is Qpid.me legal?

Yes. With an expert team of legal and health specialists, Qpid.me has spent years ensuring that user requests are HIPAA compliant. Though some healthcare centers–such as Vaden, may have the best intentions, legally, patients have a right to choose how their healthcare is managed and dispensed.

 

Can people search my results online? What about my privacy?

Testing results are not made public or searchable on the web. Results are only shared or viewed by persons that the user chooses.

 

If I see someone’s results, and they are all negative, does this mean I can have unprotected sex?

No, not necessarily. Some STI’s are not tested for on a routine basis (for example, HPV and herpes). In addition, someone could have been exposed to something in the time since his or her last test. Unfortunately, the only 100 percent safe sex is abstinence. Seeing a person’s results is not a foolproof plan, and you should still use and be familiar with other forms of contraception and barrier methods. However, Qpid.me helps partners to start healthy sexual conversations and helps to create a society in which caring and knowing about sexual health becomes the norm.

 

If Vaden provides me with my STI records, why can’t I just send these in to Qpid.me myself if Vaden will not?

As Qpid.me states, “A critical component of Qpid.me is that we independently confirm the results directly from the clinic to ensure they are valid and accurate. This is what separates someone’s Qpid.me results from someone on a dating site saying they’ve recently been ‘tested.’

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Top 5 places on campus for ProFros https://stanforddaily.com/2013/04/26/top-5-places-on-campus-for-profros/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/04/26/top-5-places-on-campus-for-profros/#comments Fri, 26 Apr 2013 07:32:05 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1076740 Admit Weekend is here, and amid suitcases, wrinkled maps and ProFros asking where the restroom is when they’re, in fact, standing right in front of it, you may find yourself if anyone remembers that classes are still happening. The 5.7 percent is here, and as you take time to convince them to come to Stanford, take them to these classic campus spots to show them the best of the Farm.

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Courtesy of David Gonzales
Courtesy of David Gonzales

Admit Weekend is here, and amid suitcases, wrinkled maps and ProFros asking where the restroom is when they’re, in fact, standing right in front of it, you may find yourself if anyone remembers that classes are still happening. The 5.7 percent is here, and as you take time to convince them to come to Stanford, take them to these classic campus spots to show them the best of the Farm.

 

The Quad

Perhaps the most touristy spot on campus, the Main Quad showcases all the grandeur of Leland and Jane’s lifestyle and gives you a taste of Stanford history without having to go to the kind-of-creepy mausoleum. If the parents are around as well, make sure they check out the little rose gardens next to MemChu for some peace and quiet.

 

The Adverb Wall in the GSB

Some of your more—ahem–academic ProFros will appreciate the swapping synonyms on the board right next to Coupa Café. You might even get to hear about how many of the words they saw on the SAT… But in all seriousness, the Adverb Wall can suck up time unexpectedly, so make sure to allot a couple extra moments as you attempt to figure out the pattern in which words come up (yes, there is one).

 

Engineering Quad

The Engineering Quad gets mixed reviews from students: some hate how ‘stark’ it feels, while others think the sleek Hewlett and Packard buildings are state-of-the-art. Whatever the case, there’s a chance your ProFro will be spending some serious time there (#allnightersatY2E2). Show them what’s up–and don’t forget to take them to Ike’s for lunch.

 

Rodin Sculpture Garden

For the more artistic or historically-stimulated ProFros, the sculpture garden outside Cantor Arts Center showcases a huge number of Rodin’s pieces–the largest collection outside of France, in fact. Bonus point: the café is awesome.

 

Bing Concert Hall

Also for the arts folks, Bing is the newest home to both Stanford performers and world-renown artists (Yo-Yo Ma, anyone?). The hall will be open for tours as well as a show on Friday and Saturday night at 8 p.m. with the Stanford Symphony Orchestra and pianist Jon Nakamatsu.

 

The Claw

One word: fountain hopping. Because, really, what’s more Stanford?

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Top 5 movies to see over spring break https://stanforddaily.com/2013/03/13/top-5-movies-to-see-over-spring-break/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/03/13/top-5-movies-to-see-over-spring-break/#respond Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:15:47 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1075861 Spring break might come in the form of your annual trip to Bora Bora, or it might just mean going home to sleep for seven days straight. No matter what your plans, the free time means it’s time to hit the movie theater right when the theater most needs the money. Intermission has the top movies you should check out over the break.

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Courtesy of Disney Pictures
Courtesy of Disney Pictures

Spring break might come in the form of your annual trip to Bora Bora, or it might just mean going home to sleep for seven days straight. No matter what your plans, the free time means it’s time to hit the movie theater right when the theater most needs the money. Intermission has the top movies you should check out over the break.

 

“Oz the Great and Powerful”

The 1939 classic gets a CGI makeover on the big screen. “Oz the Great and Powerful,” which opened March 8, has gotten mixed reviews: kids love it, feminists hate it (why does the Wicked Witch have cleavage?) and there’s a 99 percent chance that there’s too much James Franco. Also, the “Wizard of Oz” prequel doesn’t have a whole lot of Dorothy, and her ruby slippers are dearly missed. However, if you’re looking for a 130-minute visual orgasm, catch “Oz” next week at the movies.

 

Courtesy of The Weinstein Company
Courtesy of The Weinstein Company

“Silver Linings Playbook”

This bold Oscar favorite is still playing in theaters–and Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence are still killing it on the screen. Salsa lovers, humor lovers and romantics rave about “Silver Linings Playbook,” for which Lawrence won Best Actress at the 2013 Academy Awards and Cooper, Lawrence, Robert De Niro and Jacki Weaver received nominations across all four acting categories. “SLP” gets a bonus for tackling the very relevant issue of mental health in a real way.

 

“Spring Breakers”

It’s spring break. A movie called “Spring Breakers” sounds like a good idea. James Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez and Ashley Benson star in the awkward-looking movie with a trailer that features Disney stars, guns and girls in way-too-small bikinis–something for everyone in the family! “Spring Breakers” hits theaters March 22.

 

“Admission”

We’re a little obsessed with Paul Rudd and Tina Fey, so we have pretty high expectations for “Admission.” The plot, if nothing else, is college-friendly–Fey plays an admissions officer for an Ivy League school who fights for one eclectic student’s admission. Plot twist: he might also be her long-lost son. It’s a little soap opera, but everyone loved Les Mis too, so… “Admission” opens in theaters March 22.

 

 

“G.I. Joe: Retaliation”

“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” is a movie that we’ve been anticipating for a long time–the film was pushed back nine months in order to be converted to 3D. Was it worth it? We hope so, judging by the perfect action-movie cast that includes Bruce Willis, Channing Tatum and The Rock. Tatum, who did some pretty impressive acting in 2012 with “The Vow” and “21 Jump Street,” will likely continue his box office winning streak. If not, we’ll be waiting for “Magic Mike 2” anyways. “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” opens in theaters March 28.

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Sex Talks with the Tree: What happens in Vegas https://stanforddaily.com/2013/03/07/sex-talks-with-the-tree-what-happens-in-vegas/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/03/07/sex-talks-with-the-tree-what-happens-in-vegas/#comments Fri, 08 Mar 2013 06:59:45 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1075712 I recently met a man at an airport bar who told me that he did not believe in the exchange of money for “sacred goods.” One sacred good, he said, was sex and our bodies. At first, I didn’t think much of it, as he was a random man at the very classy Ruby Tuesday’s bar, but he got me thinking. As a self-proclaimed feminist, I have always tried to be a proponent of the positive benefits and female empowerment that can accompany exotic dancing or prostitution.

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I recently met a man at an airport bar who told me that he did not believe in the exchange of money for “sacred goods.” One sacred good, he said, was sex and our bodies. At first, I didn’t think much of it, as he was a random man at the very classy Ruby Tuesday’s bar, but he got me thinking. As a self-proclaimed feminist, I have always tried to be a proponent of the positive benefits and female empowerment that can accompany exotic dancing or prostitution.

 

I personally have enjoyed going to strip clubs in the past. I even started taking pole-dancing classes a few years ago. At my classes, the instructors always preached how pole dancing was an art that was a way to empower oneself and could be used as a gift for a deserving partner. A leisurely hobby, however, is not the same thing as a job or a lifestyle. I was able to interview two friends about their respective experiences in various adult entertainment fields. One currently works in Vegas at a club called The Crazy Horse III, and another used to dance and get paid for sex in Las Vegas.

 

Intermission (INT): What do you/did you do in Vegas, and how did you get started?

Riley*: I dance at Crazy Horse III…and I have been there for six months. Before that, I worked at Spearmint Rhino. I usually work Thursday through Saturdays, but now I only work once or twice here and there.

Jane*: I had just lost my job in sales, and I was struggling financially. One of my girlfriends called me up one night telling me she made $800 in eight hours. She told me to come meet her in Vegas, and that is how it all started. I started dancing at a small club, and before I knew it, I was working for them doing girl-on-girl shows for parties. I made about $500 in one hour rather than $800 for eight!

 

INT: How do you view your work? Do you enjoy it or just view it as a way to make money?

Riley: I think the majority of the girls probably hate what they do and do it because they are in some type of a bind. Either they have kids or a drug addiction. I enjoy parts of it. I like the control of the job…It makes me feel better inside, and that’s enjoyable. I like enough about the job that I haven’t left for seven years.

Jane: The greed takes over, and you lose yourself in it. Nobody really enjoys begging men for money…When you are doing it, it is very demeaning. There were many guys I did like, but that made me feel worse. I saw it as a man I would date, or who would date me, and now I have no chance. At the end it was often, “You don’t seem like the kind of girl who would be doing this stuff…” It was hard on my self-esteem.

 

INT: What do you do/how do you cope if you get a really gross or creepy customer?

Riley:I am a really picky stripper. You don’t have to take what you can get, and for me, I don’t want to spend hours with the world’s most disgusting guy [just] because of the money. Or, if a guy is super gross, then I just demand more money.

Jane: The money is so good and so easy, so you really numb yourself and do whatever you have to do to get through that night.

 

INT: How did you learn the tricks of the trade?

Riley:I did learn it on my own. I didn’t know anybody who danced–I had only been to a strip club once before. I kept it a secret from everybody until I met another girl that was working there, and when we became friends, I felt more comfortable telling other people what I was doing.

 

INT: Does your job/did your job change the way you view sex or intimacy with your current or former partners?

Riley:It does affect your sex and intimacy with your partners. Every aspect of dating a guy is completely affected by the job; that is one of the biggest downsides. Either you think the guy just wants you for sex or for the money or just for your wild job. So, you don’t trust them as much or tell them the whole truth. Then when you do find a good guy, it is difficult to stop what you are doing and reevaluate your life…I don’t know one girl in the industry that has a good relationship.

Jane: Prior to doing that job, I was only with five guys for my whole life. I lived in a small town and had only been in long-term relationships. Going to Vegas, I felt like I was a rag doll–it just tossed me around. I didn’t date or have sex (without being paid) with anyone while I was there…I didn’t date for seven or eight years after. It definitely messed me up.

 

INT: What is the relationship between the industry and drug use?

Jane: [Using drugs] is an easier way to check out and accept whatever you are doing. It is very hard to do sober, because it is fighting with so many voices in your head…after a while, you just go numb. Sometimes I felt in control, and sometimes drunk guys would beat the shit out of me. That is when I knew I had to get out of that job as soon as possible. I think what empowered me was later on in life, knowing that I actually survived.

 

INT: Jane, how did you decide to leave the industry?

Jane: I was very grateful for a man who used to be one of my customers and would fly in from Arizona to see me. He paid for me to go to L.A., and he paid for my rent for a year and a half. He was a godsend, because I probably would be dead or be stuck in that whole thing again [if it weren’t for him]. It is definitely a hard thing to stop if you don’t have a level head.

 

INT: Do you have any advice for other women who are considering these types of jobs?

Riley:I wouldn’t recommend it for anybody to start. It’s kind of like a drug. You get caught up–when you do it all the time it really affects your life and psyche and your opinions of yourself and others’ opinions of you. Even though it’s nice because you can be independent, make good money and make your own schedule, you are constantly being objectified and that doesn’t feel good.

Jane: Most women that are dancing are also hooking, either with a [client] or with someone else. [Dancing] leads to sex [for money], and when you cross the line, where do you stop?

*Names have been changed for anonymity.

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Sex Talks with the Tree: Labeling sexuality https://stanforddaily.com/2013/03/07/sex-talks-with-the-tree-labeling-sexuality/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/03/07/sex-talks-with-the-tree-labeling-sexuality/#respond Fri, 08 Mar 2013 06:50:50 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1075689 Am I gay? Many claim that there is a spectrum of homosexuality, but what is the extent to which we can be attracted to or experiment with the same sex without labeling ourselves or being labeled as bisexual or gay?

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Am I gay? Many claim that there is a spectrum of homosexuality, but what is the extent to which we can be attracted to or experiment with the same sex without labeling ourselves or being labeled as bisexual or gay?

I was 17 the first time I really experimented sexually with another woman. Although I had kissed girls before during Spin The Bottle or for silly reasons like attracting male attention, this time was different. I was with a group of friends: two girls and two guys. One of the guys expressed interest in trying group sex. It sounded exciting to us, so we all agreed to give it a shot. We got a hotel room for the night at a local Marriott. Little did the receptionist know a bunch of 17- and 18-year-olds were getting a room to have an orgy of sorts. Or perhaps he did, but didn’t say anything. We got to the room and awkwardly turned on the television to delay our encounter. Finally, when it seemed like nobody was going to initiate anything, I decided to start kissing one of the guys. Since there were five of us, what ensued seemed to be a pairing off of people, and the extra person at the time gave extra attention to one pair. I ended up having sex with both a man and a woman that night, and it was a very positive and fun experience for me. I have since had some sexual encounters with women, but I have only ever been emotionally attached to men.

Does this experimentation constitute as being bisexual? My one concern I have with experimentation is how it may negatively impact the publicity or diminish the importance of rights for the LGBT community; many people might argue, after witnessing a drunken kiss between two people of the same sex, that things like bisexuality are just trends or phases, as opposed to real innate preferences. I hate to put a label on my sexuality, but how much does experimentation define sexual orientation or preferences, if at all? While college seems to be a pivotal place for sexual discovery and experimentation, at Stanford, experiences often seem to be limited by traditional labels and social norms.

In response to the preponderance of black-and-white definitions of sexuality on campus, one self-identified member of the LGBT community at Stanford commented, “I don’t think it’s just ‘straight’ people’s fault. I think the gay community has this notion that if you hook up with someone of the same sex and don’t identify as ‘bi’ or ‘gay,’ then you are ‘closeted’ or ‘repressed,’ which is really irritating because [sexuality] is so fluid! Some guys might be sexually interested in other guys, but not emotionally, and that’s fine–it doesn’t mean they’re closeted.”

As a culture, it seems we are much more willing to accept women experimenting with other women (without branding them as queer), while men who experiment with men are often quickly labeled as gay. I highly doubt that if Justin Bieber had sung a rendition of Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” and called it “I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It” that the song would have been so easily accepted and such a nationwide hit. In fact, his sexuality would most likely still be questioned in the tabloids. In truth, though, I know many men who identify as gay now who have had or still sometimes enjoy sex with the “right” woman. I also know some very macho men who refuse even to hug other men or even receive professional massages from male masseurs.

Another self-identified gay Stanford male noted, “For me personally, before I identified as ‘gay,’ I was much more attracted to women, and after I became part of the ‘gay’ community it became part of the sort of culture and lifestyle so much that I lost a lot of that previous attraction and became more fixed [in terms of orientation]. This is so sad because ideally I think sexual liberation should be about expanding our capacities for pleasure and the idea that we just won’t fuck [or] have intimacy with certain groups on something so arbitrary as gender or race or ability is really sad.”

Stanford has a plethora of beautiful, talented and successful young men and women. It is already difficult enough to find a partner under normative circumstances; why not make it easier for ourselves and be open to the possibility of less traditional experiences without having to be “labeled”? I know a 50-year-old woman who left her marriage of almost 20 years when she fell in love with a 45-year-old woman who had a strictly heterosexual past. They are now married and living together in New York, but neither self-identifies as straight, lesbian or bisexual. They both say that they fell in love with a person who just happened to be of the same sex. Perhaps some people are able to freely fall in love or have sex with someone for that person’s overall qualities as an individual, regardless of gender, and without the need for sexual classification.

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Sex Talks with the Tree: Sex on Wheels https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/22/sex-talks-with-the-tree-sex-on-wheels/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/22/sex-talks-with-the-tree-sex-on-wheels/#respond Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:00:26 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1075194 Diagnosed with genetic spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), a neural-muscular degenerative disorder that affects all of the muscles in the body, this Stanford student still enjoys, like many college students, talking about sex and engaging in romantic and sexual activities and dating.

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As I gazed across the dusty trodden path at my horse competition, I saw this gorgeous guy. Fit, pearly white teeth, just enough scruff and a great outfit. He also happened to be in a wheelchair. I thought to myself, “Oh, he must have broken a leg falling off a horse or from dirt biking,” as if a guy who looked like that could only have a temporary disability. I struck up a conversation and later found out that he was actually paralyzed from the waist down due to a spinal chord injury. I immediately felt uncomfortable hitting on him, as all sorts of hypothetical questions started racing through my mind: What would it be like if we ever hooked up? Could he even get an erection?

I wish, in that moment, I had been more open-minded and less ignorant and afraid to consider the possibility of sex or a relationship with a man who had a disability. This week, I had the privilege to interview one Stanford woman, who has been in a wheelchair since she was 10, about sex and sexuality of people with disabilities. Though of course she cannot speak for all people with disabilities, it is important to consider and understand that just because a disability affects a person physically, it does not mean that the individual must say goodbye to a healthy love and sex life.

Diagnosed with genetic spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), a neural-muscular degenerative disorder that affects all of the muscles in the body, our student still enjoys, like many college students, talking about sex and engaging in romantic and sexual activities and dating.

INT: Does your disability affect the way you feel pleasure?

STUDENT: Physically, everything is exactly how someone without SMA would feel. Not all people in wheelchairs are paralyzed. And people in wheelchairs [and even paralyzed people] can have sex. [Though I] have not had sex, I have had orgasms. I am actually overly sensitive because my body is just overall more sensitive – in general, pain hurts more, and pleasure feels better too. 

 

INT:  Can you describe the first time you hooked up with someone?

STUDENT: We talked more about what we liked rather than what he thought I could do. He didn’t ask, “Are you able to give me a blow job?” but seemed to like it when I did. He didn’t seem shocked or surprised, and that made me feel comfortable.

 

INT:  Are you ever afraid for your physical safety or well-being during a hookup?

STUDENT: I am more worried about power dynamics in relationships. One casual Friday night hookup, somebody definitely took advantage of my weakness. It didn’t escalate, thank god, but up to that point [during this hookup], I felt physically used. That’s what I fear as far as trusting the other person. I don’t think I can get [physically hurt]. I have done some crazy things, and it hasn’t hurt me yet!

 

INT:  How do you deal with issues of trust and power dynamics?

STUDENT:  I don’t trust people unless I have a previous relationship with them. I think that’s natural for people with disabilities. For me, it is [about] not being able to defend myself – I am cautious with the type of people I decide to be with. I didn’t think it was a big deal until I had a bad experience [where the guy] pulled me out of my wheelchair when I didn’t want him to. That was a terrifying experience – I felt bad because I thought I had put myself in that situation.

 

INT: Are there certain positions or acts that are better or most comfortable for you?

STUDENT: It is always really comfortable when somebody sits down or if we are both lying down. Getting at the same height level is always a challenge, but somebody who is strong enough to lift me or move me is definitely a turn on! Usually, I am on bottom – I am used to that, and I like that. But [one time], there was someone who was really strong and flipped me on top of him and secured me in a way where I felt like I was in control and I liked that. He knew my abilities and was sensitive, but not afraid to hurt me. He wasn’t afraid that I would be shocked or upset. It was just a natural thing for us to do in that moment.

 

INT: Have you ever used any sexual aids such as a swing or wedge?

STUDENT: I never have, but I have definitely used my chair in different ways. One thing that has been fun for me is giving and receiving oral sex in my chair – it is easy to get at my height. My chair even tilts back so I can experience different angles.

 

INT: Has it been difficult to find partners who feel comfortable being intimate with a person with a disability?

STUDENT: It is definitely difficult. I have had a harder time at Stanford than I did in the past. I feel like a lot of people here have high standards without considering other options. I had assumed if I came to a place where people were more educated, they would be less likely to stereotype my sexuality. The best partners I have had have been people with experiences [i.e. disabled family members] – people who are not afraid to understand disability. I don’t want to be treated like a fragile doll – I want to be treated like a woman. There is a fine balance between force and fun, but I do not want to be treated like a gentle baby.

 

INT:  How do you overcome any self-consciousness?

STUDENT: I’d say I’m pretty confident in general, but I am extremely self-conscious about how people perceive my sexuality. Bars and parties are difficult and frustrating to meet people because I often dislike their questions like, “What happened?” But that doesn’t mean I don’t like going out or that I don’t like dressing up. I still wear heels and don’t care what people think about it. I don’t like the assumption that you have to be frumpy and wear sweatpants if you are in a wheelchair.

 

INT: Do you have any advice for someone who is looking to date a person with disabilities or has a disability and is looking to explore his or her sexuality?

STUDENT: It’s important to learn what that person is like regardless of that disability. The way I describe disability: Everybody has their issues; it’s just that I sit on mine so everyone knows them and can see them [right off the bat]. It is difficult to discover your sexuality – I haven’t been fully happy with my own experiences. I am a huge fan of self-exploration and was raised in an environment that was okay with it. I like thinking about it myself before I involve another person.

 

Everyone must face their own barriers on the road to discovering their sexuality. Whether a person is questioning their sexual orientation, struggling with body image issues or just trying to figure out what turns them on, it is never an easy or homogenous path to self-discovery. Although people with physical disabilities may have more apparent barriers to overcome when it comes to intimacy, there are plenty of veiled, inner obstacles that all people struggle with. The student I interviewed demonstrated that she is a sexual college student who happens to be in a wheelchair, not that she is a disabled woman who is surprisingly sexual.

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Sex talks with the tree: Virtual hook-up https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/08/sex-talks-with-the-tree-virtual-hook-up/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/08/sex-talks-with-the-tree-virtual-hook-up/#respond Fri, 08 Feb 2013 11:00:50 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074763 How is an application like Grindr different from online dating? Intermission interviewed a few different men about their experiences with Grindr.

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In this age of technology, meeting people can be as easy as the click of a button. Recently, after a breakup, I joined an online dating site for fun. I met a few awesome people and a few creeps. I even had a few messages from potential wealthy “sugar daddies,” which I, of course, considered (but alas, I decided to get a real job). Some I met for coffee, some I met for drinks, and these awkward first get-togethers often resembled the first real date with someone you met while drunk at a party: slightly forced as you try to avoid awkward silences while subtly analyzing if they were really as hot as that one photo they posted from high school.

 

Was it weird to meet people from online; did I ever feel in danger? Sure, it was kind of awkward at first, but I followed all of the safety rules: met them in a neutral public place, didn’t consider going home with them until after a few dates. I never felt in danger. When I received a creepy message at 2 a.m. from a profile saying something like, “hey hottie wachu up 2 2nite?” it was easy to ignore it and block said creeper from contacting me again. But what happens when you are looking for these 2 a.m. booty calls?

 

In comes Grindr, marketed as a smartphone app, predominantly for gay, bisexual and curious men. Grindr describes itself as “quick, convenient, and discreet. And it’s as anonymous as you want it to be. Grindr is a simple app that uses your mobile device’s location-based services to show you the guys closest to you who are also on Grindr.” On Grindr, you can skip the small talk, find a guy close by and meet him somewhere for sex.

 

How is an application like Grindr different from online dating? Intermission interviewed a few different men about their experiences with Grindr.

 

Intermission (INT): How did you find out about Grindr?

 

Student 1: I got an iPhone, and all I had to do was type in “gay” into the app store and then Grindr came up. So I downloaded Grindr, and it was just a giant list of guys. I [actually] found my first boyfriend on Grindr senior year. I had a secret relationship [with him] for two months.

 

 

INT: Why do you or did you use Grindr?

 

Student 1: I started using it in the first place just to meet people, not necessarily sexually, but just to have someone to talk to [because] I had never had that before. The majority of guys on Grindr are there for quick hookups, but I am on Grindr to try to meet some decent people to hang out with. There are definitely less of those people on [Grindr], though. It’s a way for other gay people to find each other.

 

Student 2:I joined because I didn’t know how to meet other [gay] people. If you want to get laid, it’s easy. It’s as easy as texting somebody. I am always using a condom and always being safe, but I had some definite health scares because of it. [Grindr really showed me] an image of the underside of the gay community.

 

 

INT:Can you tell us a little about your experiences with Grindr? Best and worst experiences?

 

Student 1: My best experience was finding my first boyfriend on [Grindr]. I never had sex with anyone on Grindr when I was in high school. It was always just oral or playful sex experiences. But sometimes it would get really sketchy; they would want more from you. It was always really dangerous, though; you are meeting up with a stranger, and you are [often] lying about your age. I was 17 at the time. I started being afraid of seeing these people in public. There was that feeling of being with my family and seeing someone I had been with secretly, but I just shoved these feelings under the rug.

 

INT:How is something like a Grindr meet-up different than meeting a random person at a bar and going home with them?

 

Student 1: On Grindr, there is a natural understanding for guys on the site that if you say “hi” to them, you are attracted to them because you can see their picture. A quick conversation will usually consist of, “Hi. Stats? What are you into (sexually)? And where are you<\p><\_><\p>let’s meet up?”

 

It’s so much easier to do. You can just go online. You can do it in five to 10 messages back and forth. It has made everyone more superficial.

 

 

INT:What is it like when you go to meet up with someone on Grindr? What kind of places do you meet at, and how do you decide who plays what role sexually?

 

Student 1:I haven’t met up with a lot of people, maybe like two or three. It took a long, committed relationship for me to trust someone enough to have the experience of being a bottom<\p>…<\p>The weirdest place I ever met up with someone [from Grindr] was a church parking lot.

 

 

INT: Do you have any advice for people who want to start using Grindr?

 

Student 1: I think Grindr is not talked about, ever. If someone is coming out, there are probably so many kids out there like I was who don’t have anyone to talk to. And they find Grindr and experiment with guys from a hook-up app. It is not a good way to come out. I can see that happening to thousands of kids around the country. Honestly, now I think Grindr is a modern-day vector for HIV. A lot of people are not even protective on it.

 

Student 2: I think it’s fine to be sex positive and want to have casual sex if you are interested in it, but you need to know what you are getting yourself into. Any of those men could have given me HIV or killed me; I had some great times, but it wasn’t worth it. It was profoundly unhealthy. I think [Grindr] could be used as a way to meet people, but you have to know what you are getting into. Just because you are using a condom every time doesn’t mean you are protecting yourself in all circumstances.

 

For the people that I spoke with, Grindr seems to be, for some, an introductory outlet for young, gay men to experiment with other men for the first time. But what if you don’t know what you like yet? It would be safer, it seems, both physically and emotionally, if there were more easily searchable resources out there where you could talk to someone first before looking for answers by having sex with random people. If you do want to be having sex with random partners, make sure you really consider if the possible negative outcomes are worth a short-lived good time.

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Going the distance: Navigating long-distance relationships on Valentine’s Day https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/08/going-the-distance-navigating-long-distance-relationships-on-valentines-day/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/08/going-the-distance-navigating-long-distance-relationships-on-valentines-day/#comments Fri, 08 Feb 2013 09:06:22 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074762 Very seldom do those going the distance encounter a chipper optimist who might nod vigorously, saying, “Yeah, man, keep up the good fight.” For those who may not be in a long-distance relationship or remain skeptical about such a daunting fate, please take a second to humor me. Long-distance relationships aren’t meant to be these stigmatized and discouraged hindrances; they are beautiful challenges and admirable demonstrations of devotion.

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“So, you’re in a long-distance relationship. That’s rough. Good luck with that!”

 

First off, no one says “yipes.” But, to my main point: peers often meet your “tragic” predicament in this way–with a loosely fitted “thank-goodness-I’m-not-you” grimace and a whole lot of pessimism. Very seldom do those going the distance encounter a chipper optimist who might nod vigorously, saying, “Yeah, man, keep up the good fight.” For those who may not be in a long-distance relationship or remain skeptical about such a daunting fate, please take a second to humor me. Long-distance relationships aren’t meant to be these stigmatized and discouraged hindrances; they are beautiful challenges and admirable demonstrations of devotion.

 

Sure, this kind of commitment isn’t for everyone, but neither are other alternative relationships (e.g. open ones). And sure, our human urges may cause us to toss and turn in bed, wishing we had our number-one cuddle buddy. All relationships necessitate effort, work and communication in order to sustain them. It isn’t your fault you met that  someone at a less-than-convenient time in each other’s lives. Remember: you didn’t choose the strug life; the strug life chose you. And that’s just the universe, being a typical asshole. You can’t help but hear the dialogue unfurl in your mind: “Oh, you finally found someone you can share love and trust? Here’s an ocean and some land to put between you both! Enjoy!”

 

Typical asshole, indeed.

 

All sad stuff aside, long-distance relationships have their perks, too. This Valentine’s Day, let’s reflect on the good things in the long haul. You’ve got a love that’s so precious, so enduring that you both know it’s worth keeping even if you’ll miss the handholding, the love-making and the kisses, among innumerable things.

 

You’ve got your independence. You won’t be stifled by the lack of personal space, nor be conflicted about not having enough “me time.” Doing whatever you want, whenever you want, without feeling guilty that you didn’t invite your other half is pretty fantastic.

 

Through missing them, you’ll realize your capacity for truly caring about someone. With this wonderful thing we’ve got here called Teh Interwebz, you’ll relay quick messages wishing the other a good day and sending reminders that you love and miss him or her (you’ve also got that trusty webcam!). You’ll be each other’s cheerleader, encouraging your lover to keep working hard and to know that you’ll always be there for him or her, despite the distance. It will make you happy to know that you make someone happy, too.

 

It takes strength to hold on to something you believe in, especially when we’re faced with pessimism wearing the veneer of “being realistic.” There are the small things that make long-distance relationships worth it, and this Valentine’s Day, I want you to remind yourself of these things. Think of the lasting memories that unfailingly make you smile, what made you fall head over heels for this person and how you’ve grown as a couple and as individuals, because you should know that your significant other is doing the same. Congratulations on fighting the good fight, and have a Valentine’s Day as beautiful as your challenge.

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Snowchella, womping and the right to dance https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/08/snowchella-womping-and-the-right-to-dance/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/08/snowchella-womping-and-the-right-to-dance/#respond Fri, 08 Feb 2013 08:56:29 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074756 Last Saturday night, hundreds of students rolled out to the Sigma Nu lawn for Snowchella, the yearly benefit concert that brought to campus three impressive acts: psychedelic rock band Cuckoo Chaos, disco-house producer Shook and music industry boss Salva.

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Last Saturday night, hundreds of students rolled out to the Sigma Nu lawn for Snowchella, the yearly benefit concert that brought to campus three impressive acts: psychedelic rock band Cuckoo Chaos, disco-house producer Shook and music industry boss Salva. The three distinct acts had a wide range of musical sounds, which collectively made an eclectic and enjoyable listening experience. Starting off the night, when Cuckoo Chaos played their set, the small audience that was present swayed and nodded along. Later on in the night when Shook took the stage, some soulful grooving and moving became visible, along with the ubiquitous fist pumping. Finally, ending the outdoor-part of the night, Salva brought the bass and inevitable “womping” that followed suit. Needless to say at this point, the aggressive fist pumping became a greater force to be reckoned with, and often avoided for the sake of one’s own bodily health.

 

Now, personally, I am not opposed to “womping,” the dance move characterized by bobbing up and down with the music akin to a jellyfish (think flowing up-down hand movements), nor am I against fist pumping. But, I do believe that people should dance in a way that suits them personally and expresses how they individually react to the music–in whatever way that may be. Therefore, when masses of people do the same exact dance move, I cannot help to wonder if they are truly expressing themselves. Why are they moving as a mob? Do they feel awkward, tapping into the power of movement on their own? But, most important–is this an uncomfortable setting where these fist pumpers fear judgment?

 

Dearest fist pumper, I ask of you, “why not”? Why not move freely and without any reservations? Why not blaze your own trail and wiggle your bum with all the freedom in the world? Why not be an individual in a crowd of mindless sheep? Despite anything that anyone has ever told you, there is no right way to “dance to something,” no matter what genre of music. So, fist pumper in the back, after being interrogated by my questions, I implore you to free your inhibitions, shake your head and do the Charlie Brown. Move your body however the music bends you, and never fear what the judgmental guy standing next to you thinks–he isn’t having as much fun anyways.

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Sex talks with the tree: A gray area https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/01/sex-talks-with-the-tree-a-gray-area/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/02/01/sex-talks-with-the-tree-a-gray-area/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:00:10 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074568 It seems that abortion is always discussed in hypothetical circumstances. But what if you became pregnant and the choice actually fell personally on you?

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It seems that abortion is always discussed in hypothetical circumstances. But what if you became pregnant and the choice actually fell personally on you? Jan. 22, which recognized the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, brought a flurry of articles and public displays featuring both pro-life and pro-choice viewpoints. I wonder whether any of the participants in these demonstrations have actually had to make the decision for themselves: do I keep this potential life growing inside me? It is one thing to say what is moral and what others should do in a given situation, but who knows how you might feel and react when it actually happens to you.

 

My own sister was almost never born. She and my brother are twins, and somehow my brother was taking all of the nutrients inside the womb, leaving her malnourished and underdeveloped. The doctors told my parents that she probably wouldn’t make it or would be born with severe issues. They wanted to perform a selective abortion: to abort one of the twins and not the other. But my sister was above my brother in the womb; the procedure could have had negative effects on him too. My parents agonized over it: “What if we had a child with these needs, could we deal with this?” They felt that they had the means to raise a special-needs child, should that be the case, and chose not to abort her despite the doctors’ recommendations.

 

Months later, my siblings were born prematurely via emergency C-section. My sister, who dropped to 1.5 pounds after birth, spent weeks in the NICU, where we could only see her beautiful face through two glass windows. Somehow, by a miracle, and despite doctor’s predictions, that tiny baby fought for her life and grew. Today my sister is alive and healthy; she is almost taller than I am! But this miracle, as we call it, is not always the case.

 

Abortions do not exist in a vacuum. There are always individual circumstances to consider: money, access to healthcare, timing. If you are looking for an addition to the tired argument of reproductive rights, then stop reading here. Instead, Intermission took the time to document one brave student’s account of her own choice to have an abortion.

 

Intermission (INT): How far along did you realize you were pregnant?

Student: I realized at five weeks, but was unable to get my abortion until week eight.

 

INT: What was your first reaction?

Student: My initial reaction was relief because I had been so exhausted and nauseous and emotionally unstable, and my body had gone through so many inexplicable changes; it was nice to at least know that there was a medical cause for my altered state. Finals week was the most hellish experience because I couldn’t keep anything down or stay awake past ten without downing three double shot Tiger Spice Coupas. After a day or two, it really sunk in, and I began to confront the feelings associated with carrying an unwanted pregnancy: guilt, shame, anxiety, etc.

 

INT: How did you decide what to do? Did you ever consider keeping the baby or adopting?

Student: I had no difficulty deciding whether or not to keep the baby — my family is tremendously supportive and liberal, and this was a topic I had previously contemplated. I knew that not only was I inadequately prepared for motherhood, but I also would be doing a disservice to the child to carry it to term after all of the abuse I had undergone physically in the past few weeks. Obviously, since I was unaware that I was pregnant, I still engaged in social drinking and occasionally dabbled in illicit substances. I never considered keeping it, although my boyfriend and I constantly discussed the hypothetical features and attributes of our child.

 

INT: Was your partner at the time willing to give you money for the abortion?

Student: My partner was fan-fucking-tastic throughout the whole process and offered to pay for it in full (which I know would have been a substantial financial burden). We agreed to split it evenly, although since I was (fortuitously) enrolled in Cardinal Care, it was entirely taken care of by the university. Other clinics from my hometown would have charged anywhere from $800 to $15,000.

 

INT: How did you decide where to go? Did they use a pill or do a surgical abortion?

Student: I found out I was pregnant the day before I left for break, so I was obviously eager to get everything taken care of while at home with my family. The decision of where to go was perhaps the most stressful and emotionally taxing part of the whole process. I was surprised to find that my OB/GYN from home, a doctor I’d been a patient of for over five years, had her own hidden prejudices and was disdainful and dismissive when I sought her advice. Many of the clinics in my hometown were either exorbitantly expensive or severely understaffed. Planned Parenthood actually told me that I wasn’t pregnant enough and that I would have to join a wait list because there were other girls further along than myself who needed assistance. I eventually opted to wait another three weeks and get my procedure at Stanford Hospital.

 

INT: How was the procedure physically and emotionally for you? Who went with you?

Student: I was in school when I got the procedure, and it was stressful trying to coordinate surgery dates while juggling classes. It was also unfortunate that the first time I went, the receptionist at gynecology had scheduled me for a consultation rather than a surgical procedure, so I had to miss more class and return [on another day]. My boyfriend went with me and was absolutely incredible — my still point in a spinning world.

The most emotionally disturbing aspect of aborting an unwanted pregnancy is the stigma that you encounter in casual conversation from unknowing individuals. People seem to be sensitive to issues of race and religion, but dead baby jokes or “clothes hanger” comments are surprisingly ubiquitous. Or offhanded remarks about pregnant sluts, trash, etc.

 

INT: Would you offer any advice to women considering an abortion?

Student: I would opt to get a surgical abortion even if you are still within the time frame for the pill. The pill essentially induces a miscarriage, and viewing all of that blood may be more traumatic than going in for surgery.

The pro-life group (consisting mostly of men) that sticks hundreds of white roses on the lawn near White Plaza and post banners of mortality statistics intended to gratuitously shock is perhaps the hardest thing to witness and endure. How many women who have terminated unwanted pregnancies bike by that garish display and are reminded that they are “sinners”? It is pretty infuriating, considering women who do earnestly try to protect themselves are still susceptible to becoming pregnant. [The hundreds of white roses] is one of the most visually conspicuous displays by a student group on our campus, and it is tremendously biased.

 

*****

 

We all formulate our ‘shoulds’ about situations and sometimes even contemplate what we think that we would do in any given circumstance. This is truly, however, one situation where it is very hard to know exactly how a busy student in particular might end up choosing. Whatever side of the issue one espouses, it seems that a life-changing decision such as this is not always black and white.

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Sex talks with the tree: Real life sex https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/25/sex-talks-with-the-tree-real-life-sex/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/25/sex-talks-with-the-tree-real-life-sex/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2013 21:55:26 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074353 Unfortunately, the ideal hookup that you had planned for tonight will most likely not resemble a scene with seasoned adult film stars James Deen and Cytheria.

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Open scene. A busty blonde with perfectly shaped nipples (you know, those kinds of nipples that always look like it is freezing outside) walks into her “teacher’s” classroom to work for that A+. Throughout the video, the “teacher’s” penis somehow stays erect for what seems like forever. And of course, the buxom blonde, who is definitely not in high school, has no problems becoming wet and aroused, and it seems that with every touch she has a screaming, intense orgasm.

But lets be real, this is not usually reality. Spoiler alert: everyone’s vulvas and penises look and behave differently in real life. For example, if you are a girl, chances are one of your boobs is probably slightly larger than the other. So, unfortunately, the ideal hookup that you had planned for tonight will most likely not resemble a scene with seasoned adult film stars James Deen and Cytheria.

Instead, these are real, awkward hookup encounters from some Stanford students:

“After cooking a nice romantic dinner, my boyfriend tried to carry me into the bedroom, only to hit my knee really hard on the doorway. Needless to say I spent the next five minutes crying instead of kissing.”

“I was giving oral sex to my boyfriend, and I got one of those uncontrollable tickles in my throat. I spent the next ten minutes coughing in the corner, so I did not cough on his penis…”

“This one time I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were in a reverse cowgirl position, and I totally farted. He was like, ‘Um, did you just queef?’ and I said ‘yah mhmm…But then it started to smell…”

“My boyfriend was having sex with me from behind, and as he thrust out, he accidentally thrust back into the wrong hole…”

“Sometimes, after a long day, I just get tired during sex, and I kind of just want to stop and go to sleep.”

“My boyfriend thought it would be sexy to finish on my breasts. But his timing and angle were off, and he ended up getting it all over his own chin…”

Other totally normal parts of real sex that you probably won’t see in porn, unless you are watching porn bloopers (which I highly recommend):

1.  Sometimes the condom wrapper is difficult to open. Of course, this always happens when you are in the moment and ready to go, and then you struggle as the wrapper barely rips 0.00001 centimeters at a time. Though it may seem sexy to just rip it with your teeth, this can actually inadvertently rip the condom itself! Especially if you are using lube, that little package (no pun intended) is hard to open. Take a breath, don’t rush; if your partner is about to have sex, chances are they won’t leave in the time it takes you to open the condom. You can even use it as a purposeful tease like, “Oh, look how slowly I can open this condom!”

2. Especially if you have been playing beer pong all night, or even if you are really stressed about an exam the next day, sometimes you just can’t get it up or keep it up. For your partner: don’t worry; despite popular belief, men are not always ready for sex all the time. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you! Believe it or not, a lot of things can affect whether a guy gets hard or not. Try not to make a big deal out of it; the more you think about it, the less likely you are to rise to the occasion. Sometimes it works to put the condom on (even if he is flaccid) and then engage in some foreplay for a while, trying to distract from the pressure of getting it up. After a while, he will most likely be ready to go, if he has not drunkenly passed out already.

3. Weird noises are bound to happen. You might get a weird gurgle in your throat as you are kissing. Your chests might collide and create a farting noise. There are awkward slapping and smacking sounds. If these sounds gross you out, put some music on (I obviously put “All Right Now” on repeat). Touchdown. Or just embrace them – your body is a beautiful thing!

Sex and porn can both be great, but it is important to know that one is obviously produced fantasy and one is reality. Face it, sex is adult film stars’ job; they practice and are professionals in their field. They get paid to make it look good. Chances are, if you are being paid to code for Google, you are not having as much practice perfecting your inverse lotus sex position.

Most likely, your Pizza Hut Delivery man will be a prepubescent, squeaky-voiced boy with acne and not a 6-foot tall muscular man who happens to have “a sausage for you.” You may never organically have sex like a porn star, but if you are open to it, try some role-play scenarios. You can enjoy porn, and you can enjoy sex – you can even enjoy porn and sex at the same time – but don’t be disillusioned when you can’t copy the exact moves as smoothly as you see in videos on RedTube.

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Freaky Friday: Communication https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/18/freaky-friday-communication/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/18/freaky-friday-communication/#respond Fri, 18 Jan 2013 08:46:47 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074170 For now, I was back from the bars and sharing my awkwardly narrow dorm-room bed with an Australian guy.

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It was the last night of our quarter abroad. The past 10 weeks had been incredible, full of kangaroos and Tim Tams and sexy accents. I had an early flight to catch in the morning. For now, I was back from the bars and sharing my awkwardly narrow dorm-room bed with an Australian guy. A great guy, let me be clear; I’d known him for a few weeks, and he was funny and sweet and attractive. Good dancer, good kisser.

Everything was fine until he tried going down on me. Now, I have a high pain tolerance, but I’d never experienced anything quite like this. It felt like a high-powered vacuum on my clitoris. To this day, I think it might be the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve had my fair share of broken bones, concussions, sprains, bruises and stitches. Brazilian waxes have nothing on this guy’s tongue action. It was just terrible.

Did I tell him to take it easy? Whoa there, Turbo, cool your jets? No, I’m ashamed to say I didn’t. I squirmed and cringed for about fifteen seconds until I couldn’t take it anymore, then pulled a “Why don’t we just kiss for a while? I’m not really comfortable with oral!” Yes, I lied to save his feelings. I just couldn’t figure out how to explain that his level of suction was inflicting unimaginable pain on my sensitive parts.

I understand how awkward it can be to give someone tips in the bedroom, especially when your partner isn’t actively seeking guidance. But if you do it right, communication about sexual acts can make them so much better! The trick is to keep it positive, to give directions without criticizing your partner. I wish I’d mustered up the courage to just tell the guy that I like my cunnilingus a little gentler. There are ways I could’ve phrased it that would have saved his ego and maybe even helped him get me off.

On the other side of things: be open to suggestions! If your last partner loved one of your bedroom skills, don’t automatically assume it’s going to make your next partner hot. In my own experience, Serious Boyfriend #1 and Serious Boyfriend #2 liked very different things in the oral department. I have guy friends who wish girls paid more attention to their testicles, and another friend who mandates that girls to stay as far away from them as possible. So ask questions! Don’t put your partner in the awkward spot of wishing they could give you tips.

How do I handle this? Once things reach a certain level of intensity, I say, “Hey, I take suggestions! Let me know what you like.” I want my sexual partners to feel comfortable telling me what feels good. Don’t worry about sounding like an amateur with this line – you won’t. If a guy said it to me, I’d hear, “Hey, I’m versatile. I want to make you feel good. I can tailor my technique for you!” I’d be beyond thrilled.

Sex gets better the more you get to know someone’s body and their desires, so verbalizing these things can only speed up the process. Just be respectful of different tastes! As long as your partner is mindful of your boundaries, don’t make him or her feel weird for voicing certain desires.

The discussions you have with your sexual partners can open up the door to hot new positions, awesome sex toys, tasty body toppings, sex in cool places, and maybe even a threesome. Or maybe you just want to mold your existing skills to each other’s tastes. Regardless of how traditional or kinky your desires may be, communication in the bedroom is the key to getting what you want.

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Golden Globes Results https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/14/golden-globes-results/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/14/golden-globes-results/#respond Mon, 14 Jan 2013 17:00:07 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074074 The results for the 2013 Golden Globes.

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Golden Globes Results

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Sex Talks with the Tree: Three’s Not Always a Crowd https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/11/threes-not-always-a-crowd/ https://stanforddaily.com/2013/01/11/threes-not-always-a-crowd/#comments Fri, 11 Jan 2013 08:33:13 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1074001 I was recently approached to guest star in a three way. Even if you been in a group sex scenario before, it is important to really think about the pros and cons before you jump into bed with more than one partner.

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I was recently approached to guest star in a three way. Even if you have been in a group sex scenario before, it is important to really think about the pros and cons before you jump into bed with more than one partner.

For example, not an ideal situation: A girlfriend of mine has been on the rocks with her boyfriend for a few months. They have broken up, gotten back together, the usual. She comes into my room, stark naked, and says, “I just convinced Trevor to have a three way with us – come and join.”

Another non-ideal situation: I had been hooking up with a guy – we will call him Bobby – in my house sophomore year. We were not official yet, but it seemed as if that’s where things were going. One week, his “friend” from home visited. I later found out, from her, that it was his ex whom he had been dating on and off for years. Later that night, I walked past them on the stairs. As I angrily viewed her just-sexed hair, Bobby nonchalantly says, “We were just on our way to the shower; want to join us?” No, I did not.”

It is important to consider the repercussions of the three way. Though all parties involved may be up for it initially, there is really no telling how people might react after the event itself. It is really important to communicate with all of the participants involved. Though it may seem to take away from the sexiness of the proposed menage a trois, it’s guaranteed that proper preparation will help lead to a less dramatic, more enjoyable and more fulfilling experience.

 

Tips for those of you thinking about a three way:

If someone brings up the idea of a three way, don’t assume it is two girls and one guy, as the media has popularized. Three ways happen between any combination of sexes and any combination of sexual orientations. Though The Lonely Island’s lyrics, “It’s not gay if it’s a three way,” are a parody, try to keep an open mind – everyone has their own different fantasies.

If you are guest starring, find out whose idea the three way was; chances are everyone will enjoy it more if the idea was mutual.
If the couple is dating, try to individually talk to each of the people involved and ask them how they feel about the situation, ensuring that they are OK with the idea.

If the threesome has people of both sexes, you are going to have to be OK seeing or even interacting with someone of the same sex. If you are repulsed by this idea, then I think it is safe to say you will not enjoy a three way.

Remain sexually safe. You should still have to consider the sanitary precautions involved in sex, especially if there are a few people. If you will be having vaginal or anal sex, it is important to have many condoms available. You should use different condoms for different people – do not reuse the same condom on different partners (no, it is not the same as sharing a lollipop).
Also, if you are using your hands, use one hand per person to minimize the exchange of fluids. Drinking might make you feel more relaxed, but it can also be a bad idea. If you don’t really want to participate, don’t drink and force yourself to feel comfortable with the situation – chances are you will regret it later, if you even remember it. Sure, maybe you want to have a drink together first as opposed to walking in the door and immediately taking your pants off, but don’t get drunk. Trust me when I say, a flaccid penis can really put a damper on your potential three way; you want to be in control and on top of your game.

Be prepared for possible outcomes after the three way. It is possible that even if you are among friends, after a threesome people may experience feelings of romance, jealousy, awkwardness, etc. Though you can’t predict how people will react afterwards, think of some potential outcomes. Don’t let this deter you from having a threesome, but just make sure that the experience is worth the possible negative outcomes.

Know, understand and respect the limits of everyone involved, as they could all be different. Establish a safe word and know how far each party is willing to go.

The famous saying “Three’s a crowd” can sometimes be true. There are definitely ways to ensure that one person is not left out. Perhaps, if you are comfortable, bring some fun toys. But just remember that this experience is about sharing yourself and your lover with another person, so yes, you do have to, in fact, share. If you are not comfortable with sharing, then perhaps you should not be having a threesome.

This may come as a surprise, but it isn’t every man’s fantasy to have a three way with another woman. I have definitely encountered some guys who get jealous or consider same-sex exploration as cheating. So, don’t assume your partner’s fantasy would be a three way. Though it might be, find out first before you recruit another person from the party you just went to. Of course, you can always stop the event at any time, but it would be better to know if threesomes don’t sound good to you before your partner is inside of another person; thus, try to really think about it first and have this discussion with your potential lovers.

Though this seems like a lot to think about, keeping this all in mind and preparing will allow everyone involved to stay as emotionally and physically safe as possible. There is a fine balance between trying to be sensitive and being so fixated on sensitivity that you are not enjoying yourself, as you are too worried how everyone else is feeling. If you establish these guidelines first, then hopefully in the moment, you can be fully present and enjoy yourself. Threesomes might not be for everyone, but they can be a beautiful, passionate experience if you want them to be.

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Sex Talks with the Tree: Tantra https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/30/sex-talks-with-the-tree-tantra/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/30/sex-talks-with-the-tree-tantra/#respond Fri, 30 Nov 2012 08:50:57 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1073474 What if you could have a continuous “Big O” and hundreds of metaphorical (or literal) sandwiches during just one intimate encounter?! I am talking about the art of tantric sex, or tantra. Tantra, in a sexual context, is a way of rethinking sexuality.

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“Was that good for you?”

Well, to be honest, no; it was quite mediocre, but of course it was difficult to say that the first time having sex with a new person. So I settled for, “Mm-hmm.”

My high school ex used to joke, “Well, as long as I get mine” in response to climaxing before I did. Let’s be honest, whether it is a one-time drunk hookup or a long-term relationship, sometimes sex can be just plain bad or become dull and boring. Though the Big O is a wonderful feeling that helps your glowing complexion, it can be a fleeting and sometimes-empty experience. And finally, when it is over, I am like a guy in the sense that I really do want to move on with my day and have a good sandwich.

But what if you could have a continuous “Big O” and hundreds of metaphorical (or literal) sandwiches during just one intimate encounter?! I am talking about the art of tantric sex, or tantra. Tantra, in a sexual context, is a way of rethinking sexuality.

I had the wonderful, unique and semi-awkward experience of interviewing Mystica Andreoli, a student, teacher and avid supporter of tantric sex and meditation (and my grandmother’s good friend). And yes, older people have sex too. Try not to think it is gross—that’ll be us someday, and I know I would like to be getting some action when I am a grandmother. Andreoli began to seek out the art of tantra many years ago because, as she explains, “I suffered a lot [in life] and wanted to come out of suffering to feel good…in whatever way possible. Tantra was one of [my] ways of meditation.”

Intermission (INT): So what is tantra?

Andreoli: Usually people have sex from a goal-oriented [perspective] …[as in] “I have to have an orgasm.” It is temporary. The orgasm is very fleeting.…Sometimes many cannot even have an orgasm. It’s like a “wham bam thank you ma’am” [level]. Tantra, however, is a way to go from sex to something much higher than that, where the orgasm is a constant thing…where the bliss is not temporary, it is a constant state of being.

 

INT: Well, many would argue that orgasms are great; what do people miss out on when they are just goal-oriented toward sex?

Andreoli: They are missing out on the connection and the intimacy [with another person].…You can have sex with someone and it can be empty.…Goal-oriented, you might as well [just] do it yourself. What do you need someone else for? The essence of tantra is [essentially] yes to everything. There is no right, no wrong, no goal; it is a much more relaxed way of having intercourse. Sex is fantastic…but it is even more fantastic when it has sensuality and touch.…Touch is a forgotten language. People have lost the art of touch because they are so goal-oriented and hormone-fueled toward the orgasm. This is a natural thing, but it is impersonal.

 

I was with an ex-boyfriend, with whom I had never had trouble climaxing before, but one time, for one reason or another, I just could not climax. Instead of just relaxing and exploring each other’s bodies, I became irritated and wanted to rush to make it happen. The more I wanted this end goal, the less it came. I became upset and my partner grew anxious, too.

For men and women alike, especially at Stanford, where our lives are stressful and busy, we can become emotionally and mentally distracted, rendering us unable to become aroused or reach a climax. But don’t panic—medical conditions excluded, this is totally normal and common.

Don’t overthink it, and instead try to just relax, be in the moment and enjoy your own sexuality and your partner’s company. The more you stress about it not happening, the more you will enter a vicious cycle that pretty much guarantees it won’t happen.

Personally, I was sold on this mind-bending promise of blissful sexual awareness. With a tantric sex experience, imagine an orgasm that radiates through your whole mind as opposed to just your body.

So how do you get started? First, you should ask yourself, “Is my sex life really fulfilling?” If it is, that is great—we are all jealous and pretending to be happy for you. If it’s not, or if you seek something more, begin to delve into the possibility of new and different things, and try checking out tantra.

Read some books like “The Heart of Tantric Sex,” “Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation” or “Tantric Orgasm for Women” by Diana Richardson, and share them with your partner (or at least with yourself)! With the holiday vacation coming up, what better way to take a break from awkward family gatherings with your crazy uncle than to go read a book on tantra?

Editor’s note: This story was written by the student who is currently the “Tree” of the Stanford Band. The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Stanford Athletic Department, Stanford University or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. They are the opinions of an undergraduate student who requested some anonymity but allowed The Daily to identify her as a significant campus figure

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Freaky Friday: Passing the Test https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/23/freaky-friday-passing-the-test/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/23/freaky-friday-passing-the-test/#respond Fri, 23 Nov 2012 21:37:35 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1073281 Getting screened for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is so important, so why aren’t more people doing it at Stanford? This week, I’m here to talk about why, when, and how to get tested.

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Combine an adequate serving of protection and a mutual respect for each other’s boundaries in a large bowl. Slowly fold in regular testing. Pour into a greased glass pan and bake at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes. Top with whipped cream if you so desire.

In my sex life, all these ingredients are essential (yes, even the topping). But when I ask friends whether they’ve been tested recently, more often than not I get a shrug, or a shake of the head, or an “I’ll get around to it one of these days.” Getting screened for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is so important, so why aren’t more people doing it at Stanford? This week, I’m here to talk about why, when, and how to get tested.

So why do it?

Do it for your health! If left untreated, STIs can cause really unpleasant symptoms, serious health problems, and even death.

If you were to end up contracting an STI, the worst thing you could do is sit around (or sleep with more people!) without realizing you have one. Many common STIs can actually cause infertility or cancer if you don’t catch them and treat them in time. So if you do contract something, it’s important that you find out about it before you infect someone else or before it leads to irreversible health problems.

Knowing for sure that you’re STI-free can be great peace of mind for you and your partners. When a guy tells me he’s been tested, I’m a lot more likely to think he actually cares about his health and the health of his partners, and that he’s safe and responsible when it comes to sex. Knowing someone is clean can be a big turn on, since I’m more able to live in the moment and fully enjoy the sex when I know I’m not at risk of contracting anything.

 

When should you get tested?

Start getting screened as soon as you’re sexually active! You can contract STIs from oral sex as well as from anal and vaginal, so if you’re only having oral it’s still a good idea to get tested.

If you tend to have only one sexual partner at a time, I recommend you get tested after each partner and before your next one! Last year, a high school friend of mine found out that she’d contracted chlamydia. Fortunately, this STI is curable, and since she caught it early on, it didn’t affect her fertility. But she’d slept with two people since her last STI test, and wasn’t sure which one of them she’d contracted it from. She felt morally obligated to call both of them and tell them about her positive test result. She told me afterwards that she really wished she’d gotten tested between partners to save herself one of those awkward phone calls.

At the very least, make sure you get tested at least once a year! If left untreated longer than that, many STIs can start putting you at risk for pelvic inflammatory disease, cancer or infertility.

 

Some common misconceptions about STIs and testing

The odds of contracting an STI are low, so I’m not really worried about it.”

The truth is, STIs are more common than people think. They seem so incredibly rare because people usually avoid broadcasting it when they have one. There are 19 million new cases of STIs in the U.S. each year, and around half of those affect people are aged 15-24. You don’t have to be promiscuous or sexually experienced to contract one; for example, I know a girl who contracted herpes from a serious boyfriend, her first and only sexual partner. If you’re sexually active, the only way to make sure you don’t have an STI is to get tested.

“I always use condoms, so I know I’m clean.”

Unfortunately, condoms aren’t foolproof. They’re the only method of birth control that protects against STIs, and you’re much less likely to contract an STI if you use a condom correctly each time you have sex. But some STIs are spread through skin-to-skin contact, and condoms don’t exactly cover everything. Even those who use condoms regularly can acquire STIs. It’s important to get screened regularly for STIs in addition to using the condom barrier.

“I don’t see the point of getting tested, because I’d definitely notice if I had an STI.”

The reality is that many STIs are asymptomatic for a long time and can only be diagnosed through an STI screening. Asymptomatic STIs are just as detrimental to your health if left untreated, so even if you don’t have any symptoms, make sure you get tested often.

“Getting tested sounds like a really big hassle.”

It’s really, really not! It’s taken me less than 10 minutes at Vaden to get tested for everything. And it’s free! You urinate in a cup to test for most common STIs and get your finger pricked for blood if you want the HIV test too. It’s that simple. They get your results back to you within the week through a completely confidentially link sent to your Stanford email.

Once you’re sexually active, you’re putting yourself and others at risk if you don’t get screened for STIs regularly. The process is quick and easy, and it gives you peace of mind. There’s really no reason not to do it. So go out and get tested! Add a healthy dose of STI screening to your own safe sex recipe. Make your appointment today.

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Scene at Stanford https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/16/scene-at-stanford/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/16/scene-at-stanford/#comments Fri, 16 Nov 2012 08:59:37 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1073191 The post Scene at Stanford appeared first on The Stanford Daily.

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Scene at Stanford
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Sex Talks with the Tree: Good guys gone bad https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/16/sex-talk-with-the-tree-good-guys-gone-bad/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/16/sex-talk-with-the-tree-good-guys-gone-bad/#comments Fri, 16 Nov 2012 08:55:53 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1073170 Every girl says, “I just want to meet a nice guy.” But do you really? What is it about bad boys and jerks that continues to be so appealing to many women?   The stereotypical phrase “nice guys finish last” applies to the overly-nice men who let us walk all over them, becoming so compliant […]

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Every girl says, “I just want to meet a nice guy.” But do you really? What is it about bad boys and jerks that continues to be so appealing to many women?

 

The stereotypical phrase “nice guys finish last” applies to the overly-nice men who let us walk all over them, becoming so compliant and passive that they lose their backbone. I am not looking for an obedient terrier; I am looking for a man. It is not sexy to be with a man who only wants what I want. Whether we are deciding where to go for dinner or what new sex position we should try, it gets unbearably boring when a man says “Whatever you want!” every time.

 

Sure, at first it can seem kind and nice, but in my opinion, this leads to a one-sided relationship where the man never initiates anything new and never shares his true passions. This is not to say that nice, respectful men are not desirable. Of course having a good, caring and honest character is important, but don’t lose yourself or your confidence in the process!

 

No, surprisingly I don’t want an abusive man who cheats on me and treats me like trash, but I don’t want a painfully nice one either. It seems that most of the men I have dated have either ended up on extreme parts of the spectrum: too nice or complete asshole.

 

Why do we let men treat us poorly? Or rather, why do we want it?

 

I would consider myself a strong, confident woman, but I have somehow stood for poor treatment from men. Recently, I went out with a guy who seemed nice at first. One night after things had become a little heated, I stood in the dim mood-lit glow of my room, fixing my hair in the mirror. The sexual chemistry had been unreal, but as I stood there in nothing more than my skivvies, the guy nonchalantly says, “I can see your cellulite.” Thankfully, I do not have a low body image, but this was hurtful nonetheless and completely uncalled for.

 

I was furious and made my anger known. What I should have done is seen this for what it was: a giant flashing red light and thrown him out right there. If a friend or peer had said something so hurtful and disgusting to me I would never have tolerated it. But for one reason or another, I saw him again after that night. I was so disappointed in myself for letting this slide; I knew that he was bad news, but it almost drew me to him more.

 

Perhaps it’s a residual biological drive. As one of my friends admitted, “We are bred to want aggression…our man should be a good killer…our man could kill a wooly mammoth [back in the day].”

 

More likely, with “bad boys” we are constantly on a chase with a challenge to change his bad boy ways and convince him that we are good enough and worth it. In a recent Psychology Today article by Jen Kim, she hits the nail on the head: “The guys [we like] weren’t bad boys. They were emotionally unavailable, non-committal, not ready for a relationship, whatever you want to call it. That is where the allure comes from… please, bad boy or not, never tell a girl you can see her cellulite.

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Scene at Stanford https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/09/1072856/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/09/1072856/#respond Fri, 09 Nov 2012 08:45:41 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072856  

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Tattoo Tales: Tom Mallon’s Track Tat https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/09/tattoo-tales-tom-mallons-track-tat/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/09/tattoo-tales-tom-mallons-track-tat/#comments Fri, 09 Nov 2012 08:42:33 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072844 Tom Mallon ’14, a native of Philadelphia, was tatted back in 2010 during the spring of his freshman year on the Farm. A pair of wings flanking a star adorns his back, nearly covering his shoulder blades. He’s been running since his freshman year of high school and mainly competes in middle distances, like the 800.

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Tattoo Tales: Tom Mallon's Track Tat
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Imagine running in an 800-meter race against a Stanford student. Now imagine that student passing you, and, as you struggle to keep up, seeing a USA Track and Field symbol tattooed in sleek black across his upper back. Feel intimidated? That’s the point.

Tom Mallon ’14, a native of Philadelphia, was tatted back in 2010 during the spring of his freshman year on the Farm. A pair of wings flanking a star adorns his back, nearly covering his shoulder blades. He’s been running since his freshman year of high school and mainly competes in middle distances, like the 800.

When Tom originally got the tat, his mom didn’t buy his unconvincing text message (interestingly sent on April Fools’ Day – the tattoo artist could have pulled a number of awfully good pranks). So Tom waited until he got home from school, and then revealed it to them. Although initially upset, his parents got used to the tattoo and became supportive, similar to how they always have in the past about his track career.

When asked if he ever had regrets about the tattoo, Tom chuckled and assured me that unless he allowed his back to get saggy (which he seemed convinced would not happen), it would always look good. Inspired by a shirt he used to wear while running during high school, the tattoo was in the works for a while before Tom actually followed through with his idea.

When asked why he got the tattoo, he reminded me of the fact that all great athletes have times of weakness. Although Tom was injured both his freshman and sophomore years, he uses the tattoo to remind himself of his ultimate goal: to be on the USA Track and Field team.

 

Name: Tom Mallon

Sport: Track

Event: 800-meter, middle distance

Major: Science, Technology and Society

Hometown: Philadelphia, Penn.

Tattoo: USA Track and Field symbol

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Sex Talks with the Tree: Inspecting Infections https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/09/sex-talks-with-the-tree-inspecting-infections/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/09/sex-talks-with-the-tree-inspecting-infections/#respond Fri, 09 Nov 2012 08:25:23 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072849 Even though Stanford often seems like a safe bubble, things like sexually transmitted infections (STIs) still affect the community. According to Stanford University Hospital labs, the three most prevalent STIs on campus are human papillomavirus (better known as genital warts), chlamydia and herpes.

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It was freshman year, and I had just started hooking up with a new guy. As things got heated, I began to unbutton his pants. Immediately, I noticed a small red bump…

“So…uh, wassup with that?” I asked, gesturing to the bump in question.Sex Talks with the Tree: Inspecting Infections

“Oh yeah; I thought you might notice that,” he admitted. “I cut myself shaving.” Really? I really don’t know many men who shave the shaft of their penis. If it really was a shaving accident, perhaps he should have actually focused on the area that usually grows hair.

Even though Stanford often seems like a safe bubble, things like sexually transmitted infections (STIs) still affect the community. According to Stanford University Hospital labs, the three most prevalent STIs on campus are human papillomavirus (better known as genital warts), chlamydia and herpes.

I don’t want to get you so paranoid that you go on a safari expedition of your partner’s genitals every time you hook up, but I hope it will lead you to make safe sex choices on the Farm and after you leave.

Some quick (non-comprehensive) facts about each of the most common STIs:

Chlamydia

Chlamydia is a bacterial infection that can affect any mucous membrane. One can contract it through vaginal, anal or oral sex. This infection is known as the “silent” disease as it is often asymptomatic. If left untreated, it can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) in women, which can cause infertility.

In addition, being infected with chlamydia increases the chances of contracting HIV. It is important to be tested regularly for chlamydia, especially if you have multiple sexual partners. If treated early, chlamydia can be healed with antibiotics. Human Papillomavirus (HPV)

HPV is the most common STI in the United States. About 40 different strands of HPV can infect the genitals, rectum and even the mouth and throat. In many cases, the body is capable of getting rid of the infection on its own, without showing any symptoms. HPV can be contracted through vaginal, anal and oral sex.

In addition, HPV can be passed through mere skin-to-skin contact, which means that fluid transmission is not necessary to spread infection. HPV can remain asymptomatic for a long period of time, but can cause genital warts or cancer in both men and women. Currently, there is no way to test HPV in men, but HPV can be tracked in women through a pelvic exam (pap smear). For sexually active women, it is important to have these exams regularly. To help protect against HPV, both men and women (under 26 years old) can receive a vaccine. This vaccine does not guarantee protection against all strands of HPV, but it helps to prevent the most dangerous ones. There is no current treatment for HPV itself; there is only a treatment available for the diseases (such as cancer and genital warts) that are caused by HPV infection.

Herpes.

There are two herpes viruses, known as herpes simplex viruses type 1 (HSV-1) and type 2 (HSV-2). Herpes can be passed on through oral, anal and vaginal sex even when no herpes sore is present. Both types can affect the genital area. If someone says they “just have a cold sore,” that is herpes and could possibly be transmitted to the genitals through oral sex. There is no current cure for herpes, but there are many ways to help manage outbreaks and decrease the likelihood of transmission. It is difficult to test for herpes unless a visible sore is present. Thus, most STI tests do not automatically screen for herpes.

Because many of these STIs can be asymptomatic for long periods of time, it is important, if you are sexually active (especially with multiple partners), to be tested regularly and to know the risk factors. Aside from the danger of transferring infections to your partner, STIs left untreated can lead to some very serious outcomes, such as PID, psychological problems, cancer and even death.

So where can you get tested on campus?

Vaden Health Center

Vaden offers free, confidential STI testing for students. If you are getting a comprehensive STI screening, this will usually consist of urinating in a cup and getting your blood drawn. If you need documentation of your results (to show to your partner), this is a good option for you. You can make an appointment online and be out of there in about 30 minutes. They even give you a fun sticker when you get your blood drawn!

HIV*PACT

HIV*PACT is an anonymous testing service, free for Stanford students at Vaden. By law, positive cases of HIV are reported; however, you do not have to include your real name or information. When you make an appointment, just use a false name. This test can either be administered with a blood test or a cheek swab.

STIs can still happen if you are responsible while being sexually active. It is pertinent to help raise awareness about STIs while attempting not to stigmatize infections, as they can happen to anybody of any race, gender, orientation or age. In fact, I would say about 75 percent of the people I know have had at least a cold sore at one point in their life.

Catching an STI may seem like the end of the world, but it does not have to run or ruin your life. Of course, if you have an STI that could be passed on to your partner, it is very important to be honest about it. With the proper precautions, couples have gone their whole lives without transferring infections like herpes.

Don’t worry – your sex and romantic life will not be over. Remember, if you are sexually active, get tested regularly so that you can help prevent or manage an STI as early as possible!

 

For comprehensive information, check out http://www.cdc.gov/STD/, talk to your doctor or make a Vaden appointment, come into the Sexual Health Peer Resource Center (SHPRC) or take Educ 193S: Peer Counseling on Comprehensive Sexual Health.

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The Varied First Time https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/02/the-varied-first-time/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/02/the-varied-first-time/#comments Fri, 02 Nov 2012 07:59:54 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072493 For a while in high school, I had my mind made up that I’d lose my virginity on top of a water tower. Back home, there’s this great set of rolling hills at one edge of town, and kids would drive up there at night to mess around. And a short hike up the hill from one of these spots is a water tower, and if you’re game to scale the chain link fence around it, it’s pretty easy to haul yourself up the ladder to the top. The first time I stood up there, looking down at the twinkling lights of suburbia with the wind on my face, I made up my mind. This would be the spot.

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For a while in high school, I had my mind made up that I’d lose my virginity on top of a water tower. Back home, there’s this great set of rolling hills at one edge of town, and kids would drive up there at night to mess around. A short hike up the hill from one of these spots, you can scale the chain link fence and haul yourself up the ladder to the top. The first time I stood up there, looking down at the twinkling lights of suburbia with the wind on my face, I made up my mind. This would be the spot.

I did have other requirements for my first time: for one thing, I wanted to be in love. I figured throwing out my crazy water tower suggestion to whichever guy I fell in love with would be a pretty great test of compatibility. Plus, my first time had to be epic. I was totally averse to the idea of doing it on a couch with some action movie sequel playing in the background.

I wanted to make a really big deal over it. After all, wasn’t I supposed to do that? Lose it. Don’t lose it. Save it for marriage. Make your first time special. Get it over with already. My friends, parents, teachers and boyfriends all had different things to say about virginity!

This week, in an anonymous survey, I asked other students to lend me their perspectives on the following: If you’ve chosen to have sex, how did you know you were ready for your first time? If you haven’t done it yet, how will you know you’re ready?

Many of the students surveyed expressed the need for a deep emotional connection with a first-time sexual partner:

“The reason why I decided I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend was because I knew I loved him and felt comfortable sharing myself with him in a way that I hadn’t done with anyone else. He didn’t pressure me; in fact, I initiated it, which made me feel even more sure about my decision.”

“I think it will feel right when I’ve been with someone I really love for a while, and I trust that person completely. I’ve waited this long, I don’t just want to give it away to someone who doesn’t deserve it, you know?”

“I feel like I lost my virginity twice: when it actually happened the first time and when I had sex with someone I felt emotionally connected to for the first time. An emotional connection has since become a deal breaker for me when it comes to deciding whether or not to have sex.”

For many other students surveyed, love was not necessarily a factor. They explained that they felt ready and able to have great, fulfilling sexual experiences when they found partners who respected their needs and made them feel comfortable:

“There is a lot of pressure to wait for “true love,” especially for girls, and a lot of stigma surrounding losing your virginity to someone you are not in a serious, committed relationship with. But once I reached an age where I knew I was emotionally ready to have sex, I realized that I could not let waiting for a boyfriend dictate my life choices.”

“I think you have to trust yourself and ask the questions, ‘Do I feel comfortable with this person? Do I trust this person? Am I comfortable in this setting? Am I making this decision for myself or for someone else? Will I use a level/type of protection that makes me feel safe?’”

“I think I’ll be ready when I know it’s with somebody who is thinking about me just as much as, or more, than they are thinking about themselves.”

“I felt comfortable talking with my boyfriend about being a virgin. I felt comfortable voicing my fears and concerns. He was prepared to go slow, walk me through it, take our time. I didn’t feel pressured. He was patient and skilled and we had great conversations about what felt good for me and what felt good for him. He got tested, he wore condoms every time and I was on the pill, so I felt totally safe.”

“Really, all I wanted from my “first time” was to be with a guy that made me feel comfortable, treated me right, and whom I was sure was going to call the next day. And, I have no regrets!”

The awesome truth is you can define your virginity however you want. Your first sexual experience can be a gift you share with someone you love, or something you take for yourself to celebrate your own sexual desires; for many people, it’s somewhere in the middle. Whether you’re waiting for a wedding ring or a Ryan Gosling look-alike, the important thing is to decide what you want out of your sexual experiences, and to not settle for less.

And regardless of the level of attraction or connection you may be looking for in a partner, it’s incredibly important that you feel comfortable communicating your sexual boundaries and discussing methods of protection with that person.

So did I end up having sex on top of that water tower? The answer is no. I’m proud to say I lost my virginity on a couch, with 2 Fast 2 Furious playing in the background. An action movie sequel and everything. It was exactly what I said I’d never do, but it didn’t feel like I was settling in the least. This particular night was the night I realized I really didn’t really care about that view from the top of the hill. Sharing my first sexual experience with someone I loved and trusted was all I really wanted at the time. I knew it was enough for me, and that’s how I knew I was ready.

 

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The Tree Talks Sex: Sexy Costumes, not just for Halloween Anymore https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/02/sexy-costumes-not-just-for-halloween-anymore/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/11/02/sexy-costumes-not-just-for-halloween-anymore/#respond Fri, 02 Nov 2012 07:39:31 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072508 What is it about Halloween that gives us an excuse to dress provocatively? To quote Mean Girls (the obvious mecca for proper girl advice), “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

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I counted 18 “cats” last night. And by cats, of course, I mean girls in black booty shorts, a corset and some indiscernible ears — cat or mouse?The Tree Talks Sex: Sexy Costumes, not just for Halloween Anymore

What is it about Halloween that gives us an excuse to dress provocatively? To quote Mean Girls (the obvious mecca for proper girl advice), “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” I myself have been a sexy nurse, sultry Alice in Wonderland and sensual Batgirl. I was even a cat, too, though that was a full body suit I wore when I was eight and it was modeled after Cats the Musical (but that’s besides the point).

As I walked down the aisles of Diddam’s searching for Halloween costume ideas for this year, it was, as always, difficult to find a realistic version of anything. From princess to nurse costumes, there was not a single outfit that did not feature a busty lady wearing “come ravish me” boots on the cover. But isn’t that the whole point of Halloween? To be something we are not, since we don’t have to worry about being judged by anyone or people developing preconceived notions about us?

So, is Halloween a time for us to live out our fantasies? Freshman year I kissed a guy at Mausoleum who was dressed as an old man … or something with a onesie. Does this mean I want to hook up with geriatric men? No, not really. He just happened to be cute, and I am a sucker for onesies. And to be honest, I have definitely been hit on and/or hooked up with guys while wearing zombie makeup. We are talking white face makeup, fake blood and a black eye. I doubt many people go to Halloween parties and think, “Wow, I really want to make out with that dead-looking chick tonight!” Or maybe they do, in which case, lucky me.

So, I set out to ask a few people what their ideal costume fantasy was (for an intimate context). Some responses:

“A doctor. There’s something about going to a doctors office and getting examined … thoroughly.”

“A farmer … with muscular arms and a farmer’s tan.”

“Cowboy.”

“A pirate.”

“Slutty superhero.”

And of course, the ever-popular “sexy librarian or a catholic school girl.” A lot of people, it turns out, desire the sexy librarian, but how many of us have actually seen a sexy librarian? My high school librarian was about 100 years old, short grey bob haircut, and topped out at 4 feet 11 inches. This might be your type, but I personally did not think, “Whoa, I wish my partner would dress up as her tonight!”

Even after Halloween, though, dressing up sometimes for your partner can be really fun and special. There are a few golden rules when it comes to role-play and dress up, however. We all have our fantasies, and it is very important to be sensitive when our partner confides in us what might turn them on.

This can be difficult; some of our fantasies are very private and it may take your partner a lot of courage to tell you what they are into or would like to try. This doesn’t mean you have to dress up as something that you are uncomfortable doing, by any means, but try to be kind and open-minded with your partner’s fantasies.

As one of my fellow SHPRC counselors always says, “Don’t yuck someone’s yum”: Don’t make someone feel bad or shunned for something that turns them on, unless they are unwillingly hurting others.

Next, I wouldn’t recommend playing dress-up role-play on your first date or first sexual encounter, but after dating someone for a while, it is nice to keep things exciting by dressing up every once in a while. It is also another way to really get to know your partner on an intimate level. And for the guys reading this, I personally would love to have my man dress up too! I love to get dressed up for my partner, so it would be even more fun if he returned the gesture!

But why can’t we wear what we want and show off our bodies and feel sexy on a daily basis? Why is it a negative thing to wear something that makes us feel confident? Why does this have to be limited to one day or during a role-play in our bedroom? This is not to say that you should go to class dressed as a fireman in hopes of attracting potential partners, but whatever you decide to wear, just own it. In my opinion, you look how you feel. If you feel confident and sexy, others will start to think so too.

But remember, just because someone is dressed in a way that you might deem provocative, that does not mean that they are asking for sex (*note: for more support or info on this, check out Stanford’s “Slutwalk,” supporting the campaign “A dress is not a yes.”)

Everyone should be able to wear what they want without having to worry about being labeled as a “slut.” I know it seems like a lot of the items that make us feel sexy seem immodest, but maybe covering up more and leaving something to the imagination makes you feel sexy — that is cool too!

On a personal note, if you and your partner have a Stanford Tree dress-up fantasy, the answer is no, I won’t lend you my costume. But I’d love to help you make your own.

 

Editor’s note: This story was written by the student who is currently the “Tree” of the Stanford Band. The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Stanford Athletic Department, Stanford University or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. They are the opinions of an undergraduate student who requested some anonymity but allowed The Daily to identify her as a significant campus figure.

 

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Sex Talk with the Tree: Ex Sex https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/26/sex-talk-with-the-tree-ex-sex/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/26/sex-talk-with-the-tree-ex-sex/#comments Fri, 26 Oct 2012 07:30:10 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072269 In 1888, when August Strindberg wrote “Miss Julie,” such a scenario was entirely plausible. On Oct. 15 and Oct. 16, in a crowded and sweltering Roble lounge, Stanford celebrated the 100-year anniversary of the death of the esteemed Swedish playwright by staging performances of this controversial play, which explores the sordid topics of lust, love, class and gender.

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I had just finished an episode of that show we used to watch together as we cuddled to go to sleep. I remembered the warmth of his body against mine, the laughs that we shared. I found myself automatically picking up my phone and begin a text to him. My ex.

The rest was like a fast-forwarded scene from a movie where some cheesy Smiths song narrates in the background. On the way to his house, I knew I was taking a step backwards. I could feel my conscience rolling her eyes at me. My mind told me I shouldn’t see him, but before I knew it I was laying in bed with him.

Why do we torture ourselves post breakup?

Dialogue often focuses on physical sex and sexual health, but how do emotions play into the health of our relationships or sexual encounters?

It always seems to go the same way. Break up, fight, attack each other with some hurtful, personal remarks, maybe hook up with someone else. And then, perhaps you have a little too much wine, or you sit in your room a little too long alone and make the text. The text to your ex … for sex.

When you broke up with your partner the first time, it seemed like a great idea. You knew all the things you didn’t like about him or her … shoot, you may have even made a list to remind yourself why you ended the relationship.

You know that your relationship issues won’t work themselves out overnight, yet the moment you see them again on this surprisingly small campus, with that familiar smile, your stomach sinks. How do all those feelings that seemed to disappear come back in an instant?

So why do we do it? Why do we let ourselves go back for more? Sex is often about fantasy. The fantasy in ex-sex can be realized because in that moment it is as if time stands still and there are no problems in the relationship. It is just about you and your partner. It reminds you of a better time when things were ok and working out. Maybe it takes away feelings of loneliness, maybe it gives you hope that the relationship might work out or maybe it’s just mind-blowing. And the sex … well let’s be real, they know your body. And they are probably trying to win you back by giving you the best they have.

It is difficult enough to remain friends after a breakup; adding sex into the mix just complicates things even more. Whether we want to admit it or not, sex with an ex brings back feelings, emotions and a sense of intimacy that can truly cause mixed emotions towards your ex. Sex can be an act that solidifies a sense of attachment; having sex with an ex can hinder your healing process at a crucial post-breakup time.

One part of you feels like this reconnection might make you two fall back into love, and the other part of you knows that you broke up for a reason. Most likely, this reason cannot be fixed with great sex. Unfortunately.

This is not to say that sex with an ex can’t work. Perhaps you’re lucky and the break was mutual, and now you’re just looking for something casual. Sex with an ex can work if enough time has passed, both people are clearly over each other emotionally and there are clear expectations that it is purely physical. It sounds ideal (if they were good in bed); they know what turns you on and how to please you. Unlike that 3 a.m. tearful drunken text fueled by emotions, a conscious determination to have casual sex can be fun and healthy.

Aside from the emotional tug of war that sex with an ex causes, though, it can also be physically risky. While you were dating, perhaps you were on birth control and didn’t always use a condom, but you knew your partner was clean and trusted that he or she wasn’t sneaking around with other people behind your back.

After a breakup, however, as much as it turns our stomachs to imagine our former lover with another person, it is possible that they have been intimate with other people. As my eccentric aunt used to say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else (maybe not the best advice). If you are going to get freaky with your ex again, be sure to protect yourself physically as well. Use a barrier method like a condom.

Just remember, if you wanted to move on and find somebody new, make sure that you are making time to do just that. If you have no intention of getting back with your ex, but you spend a lot of time between the sheets (or outside, or in a shower, wherever you like to do it), just remember that this is time taken away from meeting new people.

 

Editor’s note: This story was written by the student who is currently the “Tree” of the Stanford Band. The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Stanford Athletic Department, Stanford University or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. They are the opinions of an undergraduate student who requested some anonymity but allowed The Daily to identify her as a significant campus figure.

 

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Top 5: Cult TV Shows https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/22/top-5-cult-tv-shows/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/22/top-5-cult-tv-shows/#respond Mon, 22 Oct 2012 07:30:34 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072087 So it’s week five! Don’t act like that means you have no time for TV -- we know it means you have specially designated time to procrastinate by throwing yourselves on the shores of a new show, preferably cult, hopefully online and definitely worthy of hours of your attention.

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So it’s week five! Don’t act like that means you have no time for TV — we know it means you have specially designated time to procrastinate by throwing yourselves on the shores of a new show, preferably cult, hopefully online and definitely worthy of hours of your attention. The cultural significance and political gravity of “The Wire” is no trivial pursuit! And it might even be research if you’re in Ebo — we mean African American Vernacular English. For those late-night paper jams and early morning flash-card reviews, we present to you the top five TV shows worthy of their cult followings.

 

“Community”

Following a study group of odd but endearing characters at a ridiculous community college, “Community” is one of the tube’s best travelers. It’s weird, yes, and its penchant for the self-referential means those who have watched every episode upwards of five times probably get the most enjoyment.

 

“The League”

It’s on Netflix, and I know you have access to your friend’s mom’s account, so you should watch “The League” immediately. The show revolves around six mid-30-somethings, some married with kids, in a fantasy football league and the shenanigans they get themselves into to win the Shiva, their self-constructed trophy. Also, the episodes and seasons are short and sweet, so it’s a good short-term obsession. Or a justifiable full-day marathon.

 

“Arrested Development”

Also on Netflix. No excuses people — this one you’ve known about for a while and keep meaning to watch but don’t. Now’s the time, because new episodes are finally coming out, and you’re going to feel left out when everyone is “cu-ca-cu-ca-cu”ing around you and talking about Gob’s illusions (rather than the bar Illusions). Watch it now or you will have made a huge mistake. And everyone will laugh about the references. And you won’t know why. There’s always money in the banana stand!

 

“Party Down”

People look back and wonder why Howard Hawks wasn’t more famous in his time. The same will be thought of “Party Down.” But not you — you will be saying, “I told you so, you mangy kids!” “Party Down” stars Intermission favorites like Adam Scott from “Parks and Rec,” Lizy Caplan aka Janice Ian from “Mean Girls,” the beard guy from “Knocked Up” and Jane Lynch. They play aspiring actors who work as caterers for odd events usually involving celebrities like Steve Guttenberg or George Takei, and they are glorious.

 

“The Wire”

The others are comedies; this is for real. “The Wire” is five seasons of genius social commentary. If not for your own personal edification and delight, watch this so you’ll have something to talk to the J. Crew salesman about. Yeah, J. Crew salesmen are up on “The Wire” — that’s how far-reaching its grasp on white America is. “The Wire” follows the effects of Baltimore’s drug trade on different realms such as schools, neighborhoods and local government, and it will change your life.

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Sex Talk with the Tree: Force as Fantasy https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/19/sex-talk-with-the-tree-force-as-fantasy/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/19/sex-talk-with-the-tree-force-as-fantasy/#respond Fri, 19 Oct 2012 09:42:11 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072039 The Stanford Tree Interviews a psychotherapist on rape fantasies.

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 Trigger Warning: The following content deals with issues surrounding sexual assault and may be triggering to some readers.

 

I want you to rape me,” I said to my ex-boyfriend a few months into our relationship. He didn’t even need to respond for me to notice the fearful and dumbfounded look on his face. It was difficult to imagine him, a kind, gentle guy, as an aggressive sexual partner.

 

What do you mean?” he asked, baffled. I knew him to be a smart Stanford student, but a question like this, so far out of the comfort zone, seemed to throw him for a loop.

Don’t worry . . . this is not another column of borderline erotica. After a recent controversial anonymous piece in The Daily’s Intermission section, I felt it was necessary to do justice to both brave survivors of sexual assault and people who feel comfortable enough to safely express their sexual fantasies, no matter how out-there they may seem.

Of course, I did not actually want to be raped. So what do these desires signify? Am I perverse for having these feelings? As an avid supporter of sexual and emotional health on campus and a member of SHPRC, how could I enact my passions without being insensitive to actual victims of rape and other sexual violence?

I had the privilege to interview Dr. Jenn Berman, a renowned Los Angeles psychotherapist and host of VH1’s new show, “Couples Therapy,” where she does comprehensive counseling with celebrity partners. Dr. Berman also has a daily radio show known as “The Love and Sex Show with Dr. Jenn,” and has been an expert psychotherapist on countless shows from “The Oprah Winfrey Show” to “The Today Show.”

 

Intermission: What does it mean to have a rape fantasy? Is there something wrong with people who fantasize about rape?

Dr. Berman: It is very normal to have a rape fantasy. There is a really big difference between a rape fantasy and the actual experience of being raped. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy. In the fantasy you are in control because it is your fantasy. It is the difference between an exciting experience and a terrifying reality.

You are the architect of your fantasy . . . you decide when your shirt gets ripped off, and how far things go. This is the opposite of truly being violated and raped.

INT: Just because someone fantasizes about being dominated or “raped,” does it mean they want to actually be raped?

Sex Talk with the Tree: Force as Fantasy
Courtesy of Facebook

Dr. Berman: This is an important thing for [people] to be clear on. It doesn’t mean you actually want to be raped. It is important to understand that fantasies are different from reality. [Rape] is catastrophic in reality. Even something like a threesome can be great in fantasy, but bringing it into a relationship may be very different than how you imagined.

INT: What if someone is a survivor and still fantasizes about rape?

Dr. Berman: Typically when someone who is a survivor has a fantasy, it is about redoing the experience where they are in control. Sometimes it can be difficult for someone to make sense of this kind of trauma. But it is important to talk about it in therapy and with someone who can offer you professional feedback so you don’t act out something that might violate you again.

INT: How do I know I can trust my partner not to take a rape role-play too far?

Dr. Berman: It is important not to act out a rape fantasy with a new partner, with someone you don’t know very well. It is important that they have proved to you they are already trustworthy over a course of time. It is important that you have a safety word; [the safety word] needs to be something you would never normally say.

INT: Why are pieces like “Fifty Shades of Grey” or the idea of domination so sexy or arousing to many people, women in particular?

Dr. Berman: There are many aspects that are appealing to women today. Women today take on a lot . . . we are more educated, more career-oriented . . . juggling more hats. Sometimes the idea of not being in charge and getting to be submissive can be very appealing. It is about being desired, being validated . . . the idea of someone being so overcome with lust for you (in the fantasy) can be very validating. The reality of rape is about hurting someone, not necessarily about sex.

INT: Do you think heterosexual men have any fantasies of being raped?

Dr. Berman: The male fantasy is more about being dominated than raped. It is not uncommon, especially for high-powered men, to have fantasies about being dominated in bed, when they are alpha males all day long at work.

 

As Dr. Jenn noted, if you want your partner to do something like sneak into your bedroom wearing a burglar-type ski mask, it is key to develop something like a safe word. I would recommend something like “panda,” unless there is somehow a panda incorporated into your intimate play. No judgments here, just know that the panda in question may not understand your human safe word.

Most importantly, in order to feel safe in your fantasy, you need to trust that your partner will respect your limits and stop when you want him or her to. Maybe you want to try out an intense fantasy, but you don’t feel quite ready yet. It can be fun to try a few stepping stone type activities to test your boundaries, exercise your trust and practice using your safe word. Perhaps try a blindfold — be creative and use a tie, a scarf, your “Fear the Tree” shirt . . . just kidding (kind of).

 

Note: If you feel like you need someone to talk to, please reach out to the Sexual Assault & Relationship Abuse (SARA) office, Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) at Vaden, or the Bridge.

 

Editor’s note: This story was written by the student who is currently the “Tree” of the Stanford Band. The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Stanford Athletic Department, Stanford University or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. They are the opinions of an undergraduate student who requested some anonymity but allowed The Daily to identify her as a significant campus figure.

 

Do you have a question or comment for the Tree? Or, do you want to see an article about something in particular? Email your thoughts to: intermission@stanforddaily.com

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Reviews: ‘#3’ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/19/reviews-3/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/19/reviews-3/#respond Fri, 19 Oct 2012 07:35:44 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1072014 Over the summer, fans of British mainstream rock were thrown into genuine panic upon the release of two much-awaited singles, each by one of the biggest bands in England and Ireland, respectively. One of these notorious new tracks was Muse’s “Unsustainable,” which was heavily influenced by the dreaded genre of dubstep but simply wasn’t heavy enough to be good. The other was “Hall of Fame,” the lead single from The Script’s third and dryly titled album, “#3.”

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Reviews: '#3'Over the summer, fans of British mainstream rock were thrown into genuine panic upon the release of two much-awaited singles, each by one of the biggest bands in England and Ireland, respectively. One of these notorious new tracks was Muse’s “Unsustainable,” which was heavily influenced by the dreaded genre of dubstep but simply wasn’t heavy enough to be good. The other was “Hall of Fame,” the lead single from The Script’s third and dryly titled album, “#3.”

 

Many fans were shocked to hear singer Danny O’Donoghue rap alongside will.i.am., his co- judge on “The Voice,” but the band’s penchant for hip-hop music is nothing new. The bandmates have always cited American R&B, hip-hop and reggae artists as their idols. Evidences of such influence can be found in their earliest material, most obviously in their stellar cover of “Lose Yourself,” which was included in one of the singles for their eponymous debut album. The “sing-rapping” of Danny O’Donoghue has been a consistent, defining style of The Script throughout all three of their albums, so what’s so disappointing about “#3”?

 

The Script has been likened to basically every band out there that makes anthem-ambitious, soft piano rock. True, The Script was never famed for its originality, but its signature hybrid of genres and styles has been its sustaining factor so far. That melodic diversity that worked so brilliantly well in its debut album seemed to fade in its second: “Science & Faith” was more or less a self-conscious extension of “Live Like We’re Dying,” a B-side from their first album and the band’s first beacon of success in the U.S. “#3” does not deviate from that direction (perhaps taken in the hopes of breaking the States), but escapes the vapidity of “Science & Faith.”

 

Though certainly listenable, “#3” fails to excel. The Script have found what they like, but lost what they do well. They are indeed one of the biggest crowd drawers to come out of post-millennium Ireland, and the album has some radio-ready tunes such as “Six Degrees of Separation” and “If You Could See Me Now,” but little remains memorable after the first listen. The choruses on “Hall of Fame” and “Give the Love Around” are instant sing-alongs but owe their approachability more to predictable, simplistic melodies rather than quality. “Good Ol’ Days” and “Millionaires” are recognizably products of OneRepublic’s influence, and certain breaks are reminiscent of Keane. There’s nothing wrong with sounding like other bands, but in this album the band’s characteristic amalgamation of different styles fails to reach the point where it’s so brilliantly diverse, it becomes original. The Script’s overambitious attempt to define their own style backfires into chimeric songs in which anthem-rock and talk-rapping fail to marry.

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Reviews: ‘Food & Liquor Part: II’ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/16/reviews-food-liquor-part-ii/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/16/reviews-food-liquor-part-ii/#respond Tue, 16 Oct 2012 07:49:46 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1071918 Six years after “Lupe Fiasco’s Food and Liquor,” it appears things have come full circle with his fourth studio album “Food and Liquor II: The Great American Rap Album Pt.1.”

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Reviews: 'Food & Liquor Part: II'Six years after “Lupe Fiasco’s Food and Liquor,” it appears things have come full circle with his fourth studio album “Food and Liquor II: The Great American Rap Album Pt.1.” The album is lyrically quite well written, his voice flowing smoothly through different sonic landscapes. Fiasco moves steadily through a range of topics, from issues of American intervention and oppression inside and outside of our country in “Around My Way (Freedom Ain’t Free)” to pleas for change directed towards youth to escape the streets and bring abut change in the community in (“ITAL (Roses)”).

Musically, the album is less ambitious than “Lupe Fiasco’s The Cool.” It’s easy to criticize the album as a repackaging of the themes from pervious records. Aside from a few songs, the beats are mostly comprised of electro synth lines with a heavy bass line on top of them, a different direction from the piano and orchestral beats of previous albums. That’s not to say that the music isn’t good—it’s just different. The beats are well crafted but sometimes feel as if they run into each other as multiple synth-based songs strung together without any breaks.

All in all the album is thought-provoking, and while critical of the world, “Food and Liquor II” is also evidence of Lupe’s own inner struggles and turmoil. If you’re a rap fan, give the album a listen: if you don’t enjoy it, at least it will get you thinking.

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Top 5 Reality Shows to Come to Stanford https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/15/top-5-reality-shows-to-come-to-stanford/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/15/top-5-reality-shows-to-come-to-stanford/#comments Mon, 15 Oct 2012 08:20:18 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1071801 If Baudrillard’s got you juicing for some hyperreal and the “Real World” just isn’t doing it for you, this list of 5 reality shows that should be shot at Stanford will whet your appetite for Stanford’s non-sports tube debut. Stay tuned for casting calls.

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If Baudrillard’s got you juicing for some hyperreal and the “Real World” just isn’t doing it for you, this list of 5 reality shows that should be shot at Stanford will whet your appetite for Stanford’s non-sports tube debut. Stay tuned for casting calls.

Real Housewives of the Farm
The married-students residences may not be that full, but we hear that at Stanford, you either casually hook up or date all four years, and we even once heard 90 percent of Stanfordians marry other Stanfordians. Grab a couple cameras and bottles of wine and lets see if these Farm-fresh lovers can get the drama up enough to topple tables.

Keeping Up with the Kappa Sigs
A peek inside the private lives of one of Stanford’s most controversial brotherhoods. The Kappa Sigs might not be famous for a sex tape (or they might be) but we’re betting there’s a Khloe or two among them to keep us laughing once the lights come up after the all-campus ragers. Society may think of them as well-dressed socialites, but we know they’re family men just looking for love between classes and photo shoots. Also, one was on Rich Kids of Instagram.

Breaking Amish
Our newest guilty pleasure drinking game is coming to Stanford, minus the Amish plus freshmen. They may look calm and reserved, but buried underneath that Class of 2016 lanyard is a flaming rebellion only 18 years of rigorous academic focus can stoke. Some will make it to the city (all-campuses), others will be shunned and a lucky few will end their prematurely serious relationships. But will the RAs let them back on the compound?

Stanford Pickers
There are hidden treasures scattered on this campus. Beneath the Amazon boxes and behind the IKEA futons, we’re sure Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz could root up some real gems. But that’s not what we want to see! We’d watch this Stanfordized reality TV for the juicy knickknacks and bizarre gewgaws that have been wont to turn up in everywhere from freshman dorms to grad student housing. Intermission staffers have stumbled upon cotton candy machines, bathtubs full of energy “drink” and even five-person hammocks. Okay, maybe more “Room Raiders” than “Pickers,” but minus the black light.

COPS/TREE GUARDS
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when you roll that stop sign without a bike light and they run for you? This hard-hitting docu-drama expose follows the tree-patch-wearing security guards (“cops”) who keep the peace by loitering at stop signs and setting up barricades at all-campuses. Watch as they patrol for open containers and counterfeit SUIDs at football games. (What would resident “Cops” scholar Fred Turner say?)

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Sex Talk with the Tree: Safety Is Sexy https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/12/sex-talk-with-the-tree-safety-is-sexy/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/12/sex-talk-with-the-tree-safety-is-sexy/#comments Fri, 12 Oct 2012 07:45:36 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1071726 “Yo, are you free for some dome tonight?” I read the text and laughed, as if it were a joke. Hell, I thought it was! But no, he was absolutely serious. I knew that I was one of the more sexually experienced freshmen in 2009, but I had no idea that I would receive a text blatantly asking for oral sex. I know we often say chivalry is dead, but this takes it to a whole new level. I, in fact, was not “free for some dome” that night, or any night, sir.

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Sex Talk with the Tree: Safety Is Sexy
Courtesy of Facebook

“Yo, are you free for some dome tonight?” I read the text and laughed, as if it were a joke. Hell, I thought it was! But no, he was absolutely serious. I knew that I was one of the more sexually experienced freshmen in 2009, but I had no idea that I would receive a text blatantly asking for oral sex. I know we often say chivalry is dead, but this takes it to a whole new level. I, in fact, was not “free for some dome” that night, or any night, sir.

This text flashed my memory back to high school; how had I arrived at this point…

“Your pap smear is abnormal,” my OB-GYN’s voice crackled over the telephone line. It was junior year of high school. I had not even gone all the way yet, and somehow it seemed that I had a common strand of HPV, a sexually transmitted infection that causes genital warts.

“We are going to need to take a biopsy sample of your cervix, to check for cancerous cells,” he said as if he were telling me the current time. It was the most painful, embarrassing and disgusting occurrence of my life. I felt dirty. Thoughts raced through my mind — how would anybody ever love me or want me after this? Thankfully, it turned out to be a false positive, but the shame and horror of this incident was already ingrained in my mind.

After the false alarm in high school, I promised myself that I would not sleep with a guy unless he had been tested. I knew this wasn’t a foolproof plan to avoid STI’s, especially things like HPV that aren’t preventable by condoms, but I figured it would be the safest thing I could do, aside from abstaining, which wasn’t going to happen (cue the water polo player walking to the bathroom in only his towel). How was I, a sexual woman with raging hormones, going to come to a new university, with guys everywhere, and somehow reel in my sex drive? Maybe I didn’t need to reel it in completely, but just educate myself and take the proper precautions.

Since that first week of freshman year, I have not had sex with anybody at Stanford who had not been tested first, and it actually helped weed out some of the worst jerks.

If they expected to get in my pants, I figured they at least had to respect me enough to get tested. I couldn’t force anybody to get tested, of course, but it made sense to me that people would want to protect themselves anyway. On top of that, I knew I would enjoy the sex more if it were safer.

I haven’t had a guy say no yet (knock on wood)! And, aside from ignorant freshman BJ sexter, the guys who have agreed to be tested have been pretty upright men. The shocking part about this is that only one in six guys had ever been tested at Vaden! They didn’t even know how to make an appointment, which is probably the easiest thing in the world.

So how exactly does one work this seemingly ultimate turnoff into conversation? I suppose you could do it anytime, though I probably wouldn’t recommend doing it over a pumpkin spice latte at the new Starbucks as your professor stands behind you, unless your prospective partner is your professor…

For me — and this, unlike a condom, is not a one size fits all — I like to give guys a bit of a taste, a tease, if you will, to show them what they could have. Once it gets to a point past making out and some heavy petting, I say something like “Hey, I would love to take this to the next level, but I don’t sleep with guys until they get tested and I know they are clean.” Then, I try to throw in something sexy, like “Just imagine how much fun we could have…” For all of my past partners out there, sorry for the tease, but I hope it was worth it — I know it was for me!

You can even make a date out of it; you know, go to the movies, get some lunch, get tested, go on a walk. The normal first date, for me at least.

 

Editor’s note: This story was written by the student who is currently the “Tree” of the Stanford Band. The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Stanford Athletic Department, Stanford University or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. They are the opinions of an undergraduate student who requested some anonymity but allowed The Daily to identify her as a significant campus figure.

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Top 5 Moments of the Presidential Debate https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/08/top-5-moments-of-the-presidential-debate/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/08/top-5-moments-of-the-presidential-debate/#comments Mon, 08 Oct 2012 07:59:59 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1071553 Intermission understands how busy Wednesday nights are at Stanford, and
we get that even the most civic-minded students may have missed some or all of last
Wednesday’s presidential debate.

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Top 5 moments of the first Presidential Debate

Intermission understands how busy Wednesday nights are at Stanford, and we get that even the most civic-minded students may have missed some or all of last Wednesday’s presidential debate. We’ve compiled the highlights of the debate here so that everyone can keep their references current (and hear some of the funnier moments of the debate.

Top 5 Moments of the Presidential Debate
Courtesy MCT

 

Romney: “I like PBS. I love Big Bird. I actually like you, too.”

Mitt Romney referred to the Sesame Street star and Jim Lehrer, both longtime features of PBS programming, in his explanation of his intended budget cuts. Good to know it’s not personal, but let’s be real, who doesn’t love Big Bird? Regardless, it was a well-executed and much needed humanizing moment for Mittens. Clearly, Big Bird should’ve taken Clint Eastwood’s place as the surprise celeb speaker at the Republican National Convention.

 

Obama: “By the way, I’ve become fond of this term Obamacare.”

Barack Obama threw out this quip, owning his bill’s moniker and reminding viewers that he doesn’t sweat the small stuff. The subtext is something along the lines of two can play the joking game, Mitt! If only there had been a follow-up question where the candidates could weigh in on how they like the Romneycare nickname in comparison.

 

Romney: “And congratulations to you, Mr. President, on your anniversary. I’m sure this was the most romantic place you could imagine — here with me!”

Mitt Romney killin’ it with an actual joke! It’s probably extra funny in his mind because the idea of two men celebrating the anniversary of their loving marriage is so wildly impossible to him.

 

Obama: “Under Governor Romney’s definition, there are a whole bunch of millionaires and billionaires who are small business. Donald Trump is small business. And I know Donald Trump doesn’t like to think of himself as small anything.”

Woaaah, this might be a little out of pocket, Barack! Did this seem below the belt (literally) to any voters outside the 18-25 demographic, by the way? Just us? Intermission does love some public celebrity smack talk, but the White House Correspondents’ Dinner was much more entertaining and on point. Real talk though, what was this bit supposed to mean?

 

Romney: “Let’s talk…” Lehrer: “No, let’s not.” [Cue the laugh track.]

This sassy, borderline testy exchange between moderator Jim Lehrer and Governor Romney was a much needed break from the dense, lengthy and numbers-heavy stretch of debate between Romney and Obama. Intermission forgave Lehrer for otherwise letting the candidates go a-ramblin’ by finally standing his ground and sticking some semblance of those darn time limits. This was also the most tweeted tidbit of the entire debate.

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Wanted: Sex (column) https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/05/wanted-sex-column/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/05/wanted-sex-column/#respond Fri, 05 Oct 2012 07:33:17 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1071460 People at Stanford have sex. We don’t just think it --we know it, we feel it, sometimes we even do it. We talk about sex, in awkward frosh-dorm group settings and casual weekend recaps. We’d like to read about it too, and we want you to write about it.

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People at Stanford have sex. We don’t just think it –we know it, we feel it, sometimes we even do it. We talk about sex, in awkward frosh-dorm group settings and casual weekend recaps. We’d like to read about it too, and we want you to write about it.

Intermission has and will continue to publish Roxy Sass, whose irreverent sex column is aimed more to entertain than inform, and we love that about her. But we feel there’s an entire body of sexual activity, confusion and advice at Stanford left untapped, and it’s time we start tapping it.

We don’t have to tell you college is a place where sexually prime young adults live in close quarters and away from society’s watch, breeding a unique sexual air that bears exposure. If it weren’t for sex columnists, we wouldn’t have “Sex and the City,” “Ask Dr. Ruth,” or Dan Savage’s puissant comments on Rick Santorum’s (homo)sexuality. And we wouldn’t have anything to read in “Playboy,” dammit!

Consider this the official Request for Proposal: Stanford Sex Column.

What we want:

A myriad of points of view, experience levels and approaches to sex on the Farm. We want advice, general opinions, suggestions and even — or perhaps especially — personal accounts of sexual experiences, or “sexcapades,” on the Farm and abroad. Second-hand accounts accepted. Anonymity possible.

About you:

Stanford student, professor or otherwise affiliated community member who has sex, has friends who have sex, has thought about sex and would like to write about it. You might be shy or even inexperienced, but your ability to choose sexually relevant topics and describe exciting, educational or otherwise entertaining sexual details makes up for what you may lack in bedpost notches.

Male, female, genderqueer, straight, gay, pansexual, promiscuous, monogamous, virgin, celibate, Republican: we want it all. We’re looking for diverse perspectives and tales from the deep, and we don’t discriminate. Talk to us.

Please direct proposals, suggestions and inquiries to intermission@stanforddaily.com.

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Review: ‘The 2nd Law’ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/05/review-the-2nd-law/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/10/05/review-the-2nd-law/#comments Fri, 05 Oct 2012 07:30:58 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1071457 Throughout five studio albums, Muse has wooed fans with sheer musical talent and an uncanny ability for reinvention. For the risks they’ve taken -- from the infectious dance hit “Supermassive Black Hole” to the sprawling symphony “Exogenesis” -- they’ve been rewarded with much-deserved success. Unfortunately, “The 2nd Law,” Muse’s highly anticipated latest release, falls flat.

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Throughout five studio albums, Muse has wooed fans with sheer musical talent and an uncanny ability for reinvention. For the risks they’ve taken — from the infectious dance hit “Supermassive Black Hole” to the sprawling symphony “Exogenesis” — they’ve been rewarded with much-deserved success. Unfortunately, “The 2nd Law,” Muse’s highly anticipated latest release, falls flat. The album’s production is glossy and its scope massive, but the loose collection of mostly unglued or cliché songs remains ultimately unmemorable.

Review: 'The 2nd Law'
Courtesy Warner Music Group

The album begins with “Supremacy,” whose huge, crunchy opening guitar chords promise some good clean Muse fun. But the song quickly becomes stale, morphing into what sounds like the soundtrack for the opening credits of the next James Bond film.

Next is “Madness,” the first official single from the album. It is catchy in its simplicity, but amid the electronic backtrack, Muse sounds more like a DJ than a band. A groovy guitar solo saves the song from total dismissal. “Panic Station” is a breath of fresh air; the stripped-down hard rock style, reminiscent of Franz Ferdinand, is an inkling of what Muse could have been.

“Survival” was chosen as the official Olympics theme song, and, with the song’s bluntly motivational lyrics backed by punchy operatic accents, it’s easy to see why. However, the lyrics (“Yes I’m gonna win/And I’ll light the fuse/I’ll never lose”) are hardly poetry, making for a mediocre song.

The middle section of the album tries harder, but still fails. “Follow Me” begins with swirling electronic bleeps but eventually dumps us into an unremarkable anthem. “Animals” is a solitary high point, featuring a relaxed drum groove and meandering guitar part that winds its way through the verses. “Big Freeze” tries to serve as the “Starlight” of this album, but its pop nature is not supported by interesting instrumental lines, and only a brilliant yet short-lived guitar solo really stands out.

“The 2nd Law: Unsustainable” features the biggest surprise of the album yet. After a garbled sample of a newscaster from an apocalyptic world, Muse unleashes a full-fledged, unabashed dubstep drop. Dubstep?! It’s almost humorous.

On the last track, “The 2nd Law: Isolated System,” layers of instrumentation are patiently added onto a minimalistic piano line for a wonderfully atmospheric effect. Just when Muse’s brilliance might be finally showing itself, the album comes to an anticlimactic end with a fading mechanical whir.

“The 2nd Law” leaves me wondering whether Muse has simply run out of steam, or whether they have become too starstruck with their own success to stay true to what they were before. After just over 50 minutes of the album, I couldn’t help but glance forlornly at my Muse poster and feel betrayed.

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Top 5: Ways to Get Your Professors to Love You https://stanforddaily.com/2012/09/24/1070994/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/09/24/1070994/#respond Mon, 24 Sep 2012 07:30:41 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1070994 You want to start this quarter off right: get in with all the professors you’ve got ICs (intellectual crushes) on, make some new pals, memorize the library hours so you know when to switch from Green to sketchy Meyer overnights. We love being good students, too, so follow these five steps to at least give the illusion of being the best.

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You want to start this quarter off right: get in with all the professors you’ve got ICs (intellectual crushes) on, make some new pals, memorize the library hours so you know when to switch from Green to sketchy Meyer overnights. We love being good students, too, so follow these five steps to at least give the illusion of being the best.

 

Sit in the front

Despite their Nobel Prizes and multiple bestsellers, Stanford professors are people too, and they don’t want to be ostracized. So go keep them company at the front of the lecture hall! Go for the second row. First row is too aggro. They’ll be still be able to smell your grape-scented resume.

 

Be the Thinking Matters kid

Upperclassmen: Read “The PWR Kid.” Everyone knows the PWR Kid, who would go off on far-reading tangents during section and force his/her interpretation on the class. There’s some good in it, though, when this kid unites the class against him/her and creates some interesting moments of power struggling with the teaching fellows. So, take one for the team and play the role no one else wants!

 

Ask questions

Ask lots of questions when you don’t understand things. Ask questions to show how smart you are. Also, make sure to ask questions after every sentence the professor says, just so that she doesn’t gallop down her notes without a dilatory glance to the class. Her go-go juice is gonna help you lose.

 

Go to office hours

To really get to know your professor, go to their office hours. Sometimes they get lonely – not in the Harold Bloom sense you filthy bugger! – especially if no one else has questions for them or wants to show up at 9 a.m. on a Friday. Before you go, make sure to buy the professor’s books so you can get them autographed. We recommend Tobias Wolff’s works; almost as riotous as Tobias Funke. Try to get to know him by asking questions about everything in the office, especially framed photographs. Then offer to take his pet dogs on a walk! Forget about trying to get references, this is the best kind of networking – an instant assistance position.

 

Email your professor

It’s important to stay in contact with your prof. You should definitely email them about logistical questions. Professors love getting emails, especially about things that are already on the syllabus. Stray from texting though, and remember that there is NO situation when a winky face doesn’t mean DTF.

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Remote Nomad: Intermission’s Pilot Season Picks https://stanforddaily.com/2012/09/24/1070992/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/09/24/1070992/#respond Mon, 24 Sep 2012 07:30:11 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1070992 Back to school means back to the tube with a host of new TV shows vying for audience ratings and the chance to last a full season and, fingers crossed, a second season renewal.

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At Stanford we may be sheltered from the typical signs of a new season – the worsening weather and changing leaves – but the fact remains that autumn is here. And back to school means back to the tube with a host of new TV shows vying for audience ratings and the chance to last a full season and, fingers crossed, a second season renewal. Not all shows make it to sophomore year… A new crop of TV shows means a new crop of characters, worlds and possibility without the security that comes from watching an already well-established show. Intermission has compiled a list of shows not to be missed between frat-part – we mean classes.

“Partners on CBS

A new comedy by the creators of “Will and Grace, “Partners follows the professional and personal relationship of two law partners and longtime best friends: a straight man and a gay man. While we could criticize the creators for tilling similar material for their new show, they are essentially pulling from their own experiences. David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are a straight man and a gay man who have been best friends and professional partners since their teen years. Writing what you know certainly seems to work for these two, and if they can adapt their style to the riskier and raunchier comedic tastes developed by television audiences since their ’90s hit, and avoid some of the overdone stereotypes of gay men on television, the already humorous formula may be just what audiences want.

 

The Neighbors on ABC

Dan Fogelman, the seasoned screenwriter whose repertoire includes “Tangled and “Crazy, Stupid, Love” is the creator of this comedy about a human family that moves into Hidden Hills, a suburban neighborhood populated by aliens disguised as Stepford families. The aliens go by the names of professional athletes, bake pies aplenty and occasionally let their green skin out to play. This show looks quirky and different enough to be worth a first watch. And skeptics of the suburban-alien comedy can reference “3rd Rock From the Sun” and “Mork & Mindy” as proof of surprising satisfaction.

 

“Elementary” on CBS

As in “Elementary, my dear Watson.” Just when you thought the Sherlock revival had run its course, another modern retelling of the Sherlock Holmes saga, with a few changes, peeks over the TV Guide horizon. Set in modern-day New York City, Watson is played by Lucy Liu. Despite criticism for being a rip-off of the excellent BBC miniseries “Sherlock,” (aren’t all remakes rip-offs?), early reviews suggest “Elementaryis a fresh take on both the source material and the procedural format that CBS loves.

 

Remote Nomad: Intermission's Pilot Season Picks“Last Resort” on ABC

This thriller begins with a Navy submarine that refuses to launch a nuclear attack on Pakistan and becomes a target of the U.S. government. Deep, right? The Navy crew forms their own sovereign nation on an island and sets out to discover why America has turned on them and how they can resolve the confusion. In the vein of “Lost,” “Last Resort” is a high-action, high-drama story that, according to early reviews, may be less predictable than most television. Think “Homeland” meets “Lord of the Flies.”

 

 

Remote Nomad: Intermission's Pilot Season Picks“Revolution” on NBC

“Revolution” is a post-apocalyptic drama from J.J. Abrams, whose last few shows have been harsh disappointments after “Lost”.  Set in an apocalypse-ravaged American landscape where families are separated and technology has stopped working, this show seems like it may be too dark to find a secure American audience in today’s milieu. J.J. Abrams has been successful in the past, though, so maybe his writing will pull through.

 

Remote Nomad: Intermission's Pilot Season Picks“The Mindy Project” on Fox

A self-aware, awkward comedy created by and starring the hilarious Mindy Kaling, who played Kelly Kapoor in “The Office,” as a romantic comedy-loving, miserably single OB-GYN. “The Mindy Project” is like “New Girl” combined with “Scrubs.” Kaling turns the oft-dry hospital setting into a wealth of hilarity by being highly unprofessional, focused more on her romantic disasters and beauty woes than on things like punctuality and propriety with her patients. Disasters are fun to watch, and it’s about time that Mindy gets to carry her own show.

 

“Nashville” on ABC

Hayden Panettiere, how we’ve missed you! The “Raising Helen” repeat viewings just weren’t doing it anymore! An aging country music singer and a hot new diva (both blonde) go on tour together, facing off against each other to be the most successful country star. As an exploration of the modern music scene in country music’s capital, this show will have some good music (if you’re into country), and some high drama, between records and musicians and husbands and families. With “Good Christian B*tches” cancelled, “Nashville” will have to quench our thirst for riotous southern ladies. That or “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo!”

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In Style: Gangnam? https://stanforddaily.com/2012/09/17/in-style-gangnam/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/09/17/in-style-gangnam/#comments Tue, 18 Sep 2012 00:14:48 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1070692 The style of dance is distinctive. The beat is unbeatable. The addictiveness is abnormal. That’s right, I’m talking about the most addictive music video that came out this summer: “Gangnam Style” by PSY.

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The style of dance is distinctive. The beat is unbeatable. The addictiveness is abnormal. That’s right, I’m talking about the most addictive music video that came out this summer: “Gangnam Style” by PSY.

 

Since its YouTube debut on July 15, PSY’s hilarious music video has skyrocketed to the top of the Billboard charts and has garnered over 180 million YouTube plays alone. Passing artists like Justin Bieber, Adele and Lady Gaga, PSY seems to have magically horse-danced into the heart of Americans in almost no time at all—and with fewer than five English words. Ey, Sexy Lady!

 

Korean pop stars have tried for ages to break into the realm of American pop. Popular Korean stars like Big Bang, SNSD and especially the Wonder Girls have tried in various vain attempts to try to make it big in the States. The Wonder Girls have toured with the Jonas Brothers, released English singles and have plans of making an American album, but their media coverage never amounted to more than a small blip in the world of American media. So why is “Gangnam Style” the most popular K-pop song on America’s music charts?

 

Stereotypes. America loves stereotypes; there’s no denying that. In current popular American films, the Asian male is always portrayed in the same shell: geeky, gawky and, of course, desexualized. Whether it’s Ken Jeong in “The Hangover” or Ken Jeong in “Community” or Ken Jeong in “The Hangover Part II,” it’s clear to see that Asian males today have only one portrayal, and that’s the one of slapstick comedy actor Ken Jeong.

 

In years past, actors like Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan and Jet Li had their golden age, but were they ever as revered as white male actors were? Heroic and daring, maybe, but filmic elements depicted them as foreign and detached from “normal” (American) society.

 

But why did PSY succeed when so many others didn’t? It’s because PSY catered to these American interests—or, put in harsher terms, stereotypes. He was geeky, gawky, desexualized, foreign—any word to describe how Asians are perceived in popular American culture. He portrayed exactly that to the T, and nothing more. Yes, other artists actually aimed for their audience to be Americans, but they didn’t take into account the fact that Asians aren’t perceived as cool in American pop culture.

 

Whether or not this stereotype will change is up to society to decide.

Margaret Lin is in high school and spent her summer as an intern with The Stanford Daily.

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Top 5: Flicks to Catch This Summer https://stanforddaily.com/2012/06/01/top-5-flicks-to-catch-this-summer/ https://stanforddaily.com/2012/06/01/top-5-flicks-to-catch-this-summer/#respond Fri, 01 Jun 2012 07:39:09 +0000 https://stanforddaily.com/?p=1067928 The countdown ‘til summer is at under two weeks, and what is more summery than going to the movies? Movie theater air conditioning provides a respite from the heat, and producers are counting on your retreat into the dark cool, so they’re saving their best for this sunniest of seasons. Here are five of the movies we’ll be watching this summer.

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The countdown ‘til summer is at under two weeks, and what is more summery than going to the movies? Movie theater air conditioning provides a respite from the heat, and producers are counting on your retreat into the dark cool, so they’re saving their best for this sunniest of seasons. Here are five of the movies we’ll be watching this summer.

 

“Safety Not Guaranteed”

A man places a wanted ad requesting someone to accompany him on his time-travel expedition. A magazine writer (Jake Johnson, “New Girl”) and two interns investigate the story, with the fantastic Aubrey Plaza (“Parks and Recreation”) answering the man’s ad. Look for a task as interesting as this one at your summer internship. From the producers of “Little Miss Sunshine,” this has potential to be a dysfunctional yet charming romp with a hint of magic.

 

“The Campaign”

Will Ferrell stars as a sleazy fifth-term incumbent for Congress locked in a cutthroat campaign against Zach Galifianakis, a dweeby citizen with political aspirations. The satirical look at political game-play and promises made feels especially relevant in an election year. This movie could do for politicians what Ferrell has done for anchormen and figure skaters. That is to say, make them even more quotable and better dressed.

 

“Magic Mike” 

Channing Tatum stars as a successful stripper who dreams of designing furniture. Tatum was a stripper before he was an actor, which gives him both authenticity and authority in this role. He proved his comedic skills in “21 Jump Street and his dancing skills in “Step Up.” A combination of hilarity and exotic dancing could make for Tatum’s best performance yet.

 

“The Dark Knight Rises”

It’s basically a classic before its release. As the final installation in Christopher Nolan’s “Batman” trilogy and the last to cast the stern Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne, “The Dark Knight Rises follows our superhero as he returns from near-exile to take down a terrorist leader. With the cultural relevance of terrorism and the ever-tanking economy, not to mention the obvious draw of another Nolan masterpiece and superhero flick, this film will be a blockbuster worth seeing, if not just for the reunion of almost the entire “Inception” cast.

 

“Brave”

What’s summer without a Pixar film? “Bravetakes us back in time to the Scotland Highlands where Merida refuses to conform to the expectations of young women and ends up invoking an awful curse that turns her kingdom into a chaotic mess. But she is brave and fixes it. Not only is this the first Pixar film with a female star, but “Braveis also the first Pixar film starring a redhead (unless we count Nemo). Progressive representations aside, this film is sure to be a beautiful artistic achievement.

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