Ingredients:
(1 millennia) white supremacy
(2) genders
(Trillions of dollars’ worth) militarism
(As much as possible) exploited labor
(As many as possible) miscellaneous institutions
(4 ½ cups) Capitalism
(6 cups) cognitive dissonance
(1 cup) salt
Cook time: roughly 400 years
Serves: 319 million
Directions:
Prep ingredients by soaking several centuries of white supremacy in three cups of capitalism overnight before cooking.
Fill large pot with settlers and bring to a boil. Any settlers are acceptable, though English settlers preferred. If settler population of suboptimal religious purity, add 2 tablespoons of militarism and stir well. Remove unwanted native populations from pot as necessary if settlers express discomfort. Add one-fourth cup of gender (men preferable) and a dash of capitalism, stirring until completely dissolved. Turn to low heat and slowly stir in several decades of exploited slave labor, taking care to maximize economic flavor. If class consciousness develops, add one decade of white supremacy to neutralize unwanted flavors. Once class consciousness dissipates, turn to high heat and add several more decades of slave labor as time allows. Oversee frequently. At this time, add 3 tablespoons of cognitive dissonance to complement the strong undertones of suffering. When country reboils, turn down the heat and simmer; do not overcook the slave population. Remove the institution of slavery with tongs and continue stirring; after several more decades, soup should thicken into Jim Crow.
Set aside a second pot and fill with settlers until your pot is at capacity. It is your destiny to add settlers until your pot is at capacity. Carefully stir in Oriental-flavored labor and exploit well to create a profitable and exotic flavor profile. If pot overflows, remove and displace native populations as convenient. Continually add decades of white supremacy to prevent class consciousness and coalitions from developing, and stir well to thicken into corporations. The soup should now claim to be lacking enough resources. Add salt, capitalism and exploited labor as necessary. If still lacking, take from your neighbor’s house.
Marinate a thick cut of militarism in exploited labor for several decades before adding to a large sauté pan on high heat. When sizzling, remove from pan. Put both pots on high heat until bubbling, then add militarism. Bomb your neighbor’s house. Bomb your other neighbor’s house. Dirty communists.
If first pot boils over, reduce heat and add miscellaneous institutions (funding is optional; institutions are largely decorative). If soup resists, use a strainer to remove dangerous individuals and simmer the remainder. Put pot on medium heat. Add militarism and white supremacy slowly, using existing institutions to blend into a prison-industrial complex of desired consistency. Portion half of the remaining militarism into both pots. The kick of flavor added by military-grade armored vehicles and grenade launchers suppresses the unruly flavor of exploited labor. Add more salt.
(For a quick and easy side dish, lightly brush any leftover militarism with capitalism and bomb desired countries for several decades before serving.
Set both pots on low heat to ensure that no unexpected flavors develop. Read additional instructions on packaging for white supremacy to ensure optimal flavor. Depending on the quality of ingredients, use a sieve to remove ingredients that may detract from the presentation of your soup. If removed, ingredients may become respectable; re-add them to the soup at your discretion. While store-bought soup may utilize sex education to reduce disease in soup, this recipe replaces it with salt instead. If soup contracts chlamydia, stir vigorously until sufficiently distracted.
Finally, combine contents of all pots and keep simmering on low heat until ready to serve, covering with a well-secured and well-fortified lid.
Immediately before serving, empty the remaining cognitive dissonance into a separate pot and stir constantly over medium heat with one-half stick each of just-world phenomenon and victim-blaming. Cognitive dissonance should thicken into an aromatic cognitive dissonance reduction. Lightly drizzle cognitive dissonance reduction over soup before serving with mass media and your neighbor’s collection of spices.
Contact Lily Zheng at lilyz8 ‘at’ stanford.edu.