Bonjour friends! Currently writing these notes at an outdoor (re: cold as shit) café in the “Jardin des Tuileries” (Tuileries Garden) with a cup of hot tea by my side. Am I getting acclimated or WHAT?

1. Just kidding about the acclimated thing. I’ve gotten about 50 Ni hao’s (for the record, I don’t speak any Asian language), 20 Konichiwa’s (for the record, I’m not Japanese) and an unreasonable amount of bows.

2. THIS IS A REAL TIME UPDATE, GUYS: I think my 40+ish year old waiter just hit on me. “You probably think I’m too old for you. Sometimes ladies your age like men who are older.” Tiffany Lam, ladies and gents, scoring middle aged French men since September 2014.

3. Ladies, throw away your dreams of actual Parisian boutique shopping and say hello to Parisian boutique window-shopping. What a gorgeous coat on that mannequin! Oh…only 400 euros?

4. Of course, there’s also an unbelievable amount of vintage and thrift stores. That’s right, your girl scored a ONE EURO denim jacket the other day.

5. Okay, let’s talk food. If you’re an American staying in Paris for three months, you’re bound to be craving something that isn’t bread. Here’s the low down on Starbucks and Chipotle, Paris edition:

a. Grande iced chai at Starbucks: 5+ euros ($6.50).

b. Oh no, of course I don’t mind that you filled the cup only three-quarters of the way.

c. Chicken burrito bowl at Chipotle: 9+ euros ($11.70).

d. Guacamole: +2 euros ($2.60).

e. Oh no, five pieces of corn is definitely enough. I hate it when my bowl is full anyway.

6. REAL TIME CREEPY WAITER UPDATE #2: “How old are you?” “19.” “How old do you think I am?” “50.” “I’m 47.” “Nice. That’s almost as old as my dad.”

7. I wish I could write more, but my fingers are numb from the cold, and I’m afraid of catching hypothermia.

À bientot, mes amis!