Widgets Magazine

Roxy Sass: Roxy’s Nobel prizes…in bed

October is one of Roxy’s favorite months, and not just because of the naughty costume she has planned for Halloween. It’s also Nobel Prize announcement season — and you know there are few things Roxy appreciates more than a bunch of tall, blonde Scandinavians with hearts (and pockets full) of gold. This year, as you may have heard, one of Stanford’s own professors won the prize in chemistry. Well, Roxy would like to take this opportunity to give out some prizes of her own…and reward a different kind of chemistry.

Physics: Roxy got a bit ahead of herself and awarded this prize last month at Sig Chi’s Let’s Get Physical Party to all the frosh who rolled out hard in ’80s athletic gear. She could never resist the mating call of brightly colored spandex and high socks…

Medicine: Roxy is a diehard fan of the ancient tradition of “hair of the dog,” so her prize for medicine has to go to the GSB Coupa. Their bottomless mimosas are Roxy’s go-to remedy for Sunday morning hangovers — staking out a table in the sunny courtyard with a continually refilled carafe is a great way to stave off that headache…and that p-set.

Literature: Roxy would like to recognize all the people who have written graffiti in the back corner of the Green stacks — Roxy has spent many an afternoon appreciating the fine prose while engaged in other…scholarly…pursuits. (Pro tip: Check out the archaeology section — it’s usually deserted…and a great place to get a little dirty).

Chemistry: Roxy’s gotta give this one to all the hot-and-heavy couples who took over the quad earlier this week at Full Moon. You guys proved the scientific laws of attraction — and made everyone around you uncomfortable — with your aggressive midnight make-outs. Extra points to the body-painted folk who contributed some acrylic chemicals to the celebration.

Peace: Finally, Roxy would like to award this last prize to whoever got her next door neighbor and her boyfriend to stop fighting. Nothing is a worse cockblock than a loud argument — Roxy’s sex life (and sleep schedule) appreciate the cessation of late-night hostilities.

Roxy is already accepting nominations for next year’s prizes, and she’s not above a little bit of friendly persuasion (in fact, she prefers to be below…). Butter her up at life ‘at’ stanforddaily.com.