Let me just begin by saying that this column has been a struggle. I literally agonized for days over the subject matter. Sure, I had a few ideas, but none of them seemed good enough or appropriately timed for the circumstances of this particular week. Body painting? Too trite. Reunion Homecoming? Way too obvious. Lemon zest? (Yes, that was an option for this week’s column.) Too obscure. I sat and waited for inspiration to descend upon me in a golden haze. I took long walks, hoping my “Eureka!” moment would come somewhere between Alvarado and Gerona. Not one bit.

The column you’re reading now is not the original version. My previous draft was demolished when Microsoft Word shut down unexpectedly just as I was hitting the save button — which, as a side note, wouldn’t have happened if I had been working on my laptop, but that’s been in the shop for a week after I splashed water all over its logic board. Could I do nothing right this week? Could nothing happen in my favor? I felt like throwing my hands up and screaming, “I give up, okay!” Obviously, it’s just not meant to happen.

So, sighing, I picked up the phone, cancelled the hair appointment I’ve been meaning to have for the past seven months (by God, this will happen at some point!), paid the cancellation fee and started to write. Originally, I was going to try and redo the column from memory, but something made me stop.

I was trying too hard to make this the “perfect” column. All those times I had dismissed my ideas because they weren’t exactly the right fit for this week had no bearing on the merit of the ideas themselves, but more about my insecurity over how people might perceive them. Deep down, I think I was scared that people would judge me for what I considered important enough to write about. In trying to write a column for someone else, I had second-guessed myself and lost my own voice.

We all want to control what people think of us and whether they like us. And when things don’t work out — whether that’s in a relationship, an assignment, a project or just life in general — I, at least, blame it on my own actions or lack thereof. “If only I had tried that much harder, said something else or acted differently…” Things could have been different. More aptly, I could have made things different.

But that’s all a fallacy. There is only so much we can do in order to change or control the situation. I’m definitely not advocating a passive approach to life, but sometimes, life throws you a curveball that you couldn’t have predicted. Nothing you could have done would have changed the situation, so why second-guess yourself to begin with?

Over-thinking is just your insecurity talking; acting is your confidence talking. Do what feels right in the moment. Nothing is wrong with believing in your own voice and following your own ideas. Trying to craft something in the hopes that another person will like it ultimately leaves you feeling empty and unsatisfied. There is no such thing as the “perfect” column. There’s no such thing as the “perfect” schedule or the “perfect” day or the “perfect” routine. As much as we all want a semblance of control over our lives, there’s a certain amount of uncertainty that we all need to accept in life.

This whole week has been an exercise in (im)perfection for me. Nothing seemed to go right. But that doesn’t mean it was all a waste. How you react to a situation matters so much more than how you try to preempt it. Because more often than not, things don’t go as planned, no matter how much you may have tried to manipulate the outcome. And sometimes, what we see as imperfect may just end up being the best thing that happens to us.

Leslie seriously wants to talk to someone about lemon zest. If that’s your thing, then you should email her at labrian “at” stanford “dot” edu.