Widgets Magazine

Roxy Sass: Roxy’s favorite pastime

Roxy is always looking to score, and there’s no better time to get LUCK-y than during football season. This year, Roxy has never been more excited to watch guys running around in tight pants. While she usually eschews full-contact sports outside the bedroom, she’s willing to make an exception for everyone’s favorite fall pastime. And what better reason to get out of bed on a Saturday morning than to make some big plays on (and off) the field?

Want to get close to that cutie you’ve been eyeing? The best way to get physical is with some group body-painting. When spelling out “GO STANFORD,” Roxy always gets the O; follow her lead and lift up your shirt for the same effect.
Because the University moved all of the student tailgates to outside of Arrillaga this year, Roxy has started “networking” with young alumni by checking out the parties in the Eucalyptus grove before a game. Although some people complain about how early in the day the tailgates start, Roxy always appreciates that they last for hours.

Roxy likes the game itself more than you might expect, and she’s always happy to chat up the hottie standing nearby about long…passes and the importance of going deep. Though she hates unsportsman-like conduct on the field, in the stands, Roxy plays by her own rules. But Roxy tends to play rough, so it might be best to wear a little padding. Another strategy: always avoid incompletions.
When the game starts to wear thin, Roxy starts planning ways to wear nothing. Ultimately, she’s all about stamina, and will prolong her screaming until the home team finishes.

Post-game celebrations
Once all the touchdowns are completed, Roxy is ready to get sacked. Now that Stanford is a football school, it seems like nothing gets people going more than the adrenaline rush of a game. Excited after a big win? Roxy knows just where to channel that energy. Dejected after a tough loss? Roxy’s here to console you (just kidding. Roxy knows the only things that will be lost at the end of a football game are her clothes).

Roxy hates a delay of game. Make sure you come ready to play.