Widgets Magazine

Roxy Sass: Roxy’s Guide to Total Frat Moves

Now that the frosh have broken their dry spells post-NSO, Roxy is ready to play. After vehemently denying responsibility for the “Thank you for your daughters” banner posted in White Plaza last week, the gentlemen of SAE probably thanked many girls for…coming to their party Monday night. Though the start of the quarter can be hectic, Roxy never misses a chance to get busy. She skipped the a capella concert to mentally and physically prepare for SAE and had her own O-show after the party. Not one to get tired easily, here’s Roxy’s guide to enjoying next weekend’s festivities.

Sigma Chi: Let’s Get Physical
Though many upperclassmen loathe the sweaty, over-packed fraternity parties, Roxy can never pass up an opportunity to get her grind on in neon-colored spandex and very little else. Plus, Roxy’s inner-exhibitionist can’t wait to get up on the Sigma Chi mantle…especially since she knows she won’t be the only one getting up that night. If you don’t have the stamina to work out all night in such a tight space, Roxy recommends a little personal-training session back in your own room (note: Sigma Chi only has one single).

Sigma Nu: Disorientation
Roxy’s spent so many nights in Sigma Nu that it would take more than a few Solo cups of jungle juice to get her disoriented there. But for those of you with less…experience, here’s a tip: unless you meet someone early enough in the evening, odds are you won’t be making your way upstairs. But Roxy doesn’t think that’s a problem as long as you can find someone to get down with. If you’re looking for freshmeat, ahem, freshmen, there’s sure to be plenty of Tranc-bros and Tranc-hos in the backyard (Roxy sees you, Wilbur!).

Sig Ep: Oktoberfest
If you’re looking for something a little more international in terms of your beer selection (Roxy loves the Nasty Ice, but she needs variety in her drinks as much as in her men) you can head to Sig Ep’s Oktoberfest. Roxy’s always had a thing for sausages. At the end of the night, Roxy wants you to remember that the brothers of Sig Ep don’t live in the house where the party is held…but that just means you’ll have to get creative with your cultural exploration.

A few final words of wisdom from Roxy:
Consent is sexy, harassment is not. Stay the night, but don’t overstay your welcome.

That NSO nametag you’ve been wearing all week? Roxy sees it as a bull’s eye. Ready, aim, fire.