Well, folks, Roxy can no longer deny two things: that she’s a bit of a slut, and that school is ending. The first is probably not news, but the second might be if you’ve had your head buried in the sand hoping to avoid the end of another Stanford year (trust Roxy, four go by way too quickly).

Scared of summer? Too bad, suckers. It’s here — so Roxy’s going to give you tips on how to embrace it fully.

Roxy knows how it goes: you get a fancy internship in a big city and are pumped to move there for a summer (#omglivingthelifebitches) — until it’s time for first month’s rent, damage deposit and feeding yourself for a week. No, your row house chef doesn’t actually move with you to New York. If, like Roxy, you can’t handle the sudden expenses of living on your own, enter new character: the sugar daddy (or mama — Roxy doesn’t discriminate). Roxy’s investment in a set of classy-yet-slutty dresses once paid for an entire month’s worth of food (and rent). Don’t befriend your fellow (broke) interns; pimp yourself out in the most respectable way possible until you find someone who’ll buy you dinner.

Or, as Roxy has experienced, you might have just met that wonderful lad or lass — cute, witty, totally also into [insert favorite band here] — but summer’s coming, and they’re headed on a service trip to South Africa while you’re interning in San Francisco. Roxy has one word for you: Skype. What exactly to do with Skype? Roxy hates to give away the surprise. Figure that one out yourself. Hint: putting the chat in sepia tone really aids in historical fiction role-play. Oh my heavens!

For the otherwise unattached, summer is a great time to explore something new while keeping that quasi-fling on call for fall. Droves of international students (ay caramba!) will flock to campus for summer class, and younger types (if that’s your thing) abound at tennis camps and EPGY. (For those jonesin’ for an older model, Cougar Convention is in South San Francisco this year.) Any summer fling will be gone in the fall, so Roxy gives you permission to take a mulligan on any late-night regrets.

And that, friends, marks the end of Roxy’s last column of the year. Carry on the Roxy spirit this summer by flirting up a storm in very little clothing, by getting experimental in the lab and in the bedroom and by infusing all your writing with just a little bit of sexual innuendo. Keep calm and slut on.

 

Roxy’s going to be in the Stanford area this summer. If you are too, let her know so she can add you to her to-do list: [email protected].