Widgets Magazine

OPINIONS

Girl You Know It’s True: Two Truths and a Lie

There’s a fun game called Two Truths and a Lie. It goes like this: I say three things, two of which are things that happened in the last week or so, one of which is a big ol’ lie. Ready? Ready.

1. Denials!

A. Lance Armstrong stated on The Today Show that though he did have testicular cancer, any and all rumors claiming he had only one testicle were false, adding “I don’t know why I let this go on this long—never got around to addressing it, I guess. Nobody ever asks.”

B. The Democrats’ 2004 vice presidential nominee John Edwards denied that he got engaged to his erstwhile mistress and baby mama Rielle Hunter weeks after his cancer-stricken wife’s death.

C. R&B singer Omarion took to Twitter to refute a fake press release calling him “a proud bisexual man,” saying “I AINT GAY OR BISEXUAL, I love women PERIOD!!!!!!!”

2. WikiLeaks!

A. A YouTube video of twin toddlers crying because they learned from WikiLeaks that there is no Santa Claus became a viral hit.

B. The U.S. Ambassador to Libya was recalled because in a cable he made reference to Muammar al-Gaddafi’s “voluptuous blonde” Ukrainian nurse.

C. An American journalist who had his girlfriend stolen by Julian Assange during a visit to Sweden told the “Daily Mail” that “Assange seemed to take pleasure in humiliating me.”

3. Science Says!

A. Dutch doctors found that when pregnant women were exposed to mild radiation and then shown quickly-flashed pictures of babies in distress that their heart rate slowed significantly, and they performed better on cognitive tests.

B. A study showed that when subjects were shown the location of a picture of an erotic nature after being asked to guess which curtain it was behind, they were able to guess where the picture was 53.1% of the time, and that subjects, performed better on tests when they studied the content of the test after taking it.

C. An Israeli study showed that after men had sniffed women’s tears they had gathered, they rated women’s faces as less sexually appealing than those who had not.

4. Animal Behavior!

A. There have been massive, unexplained animal deaths across the globe, including masses of dead birds and fish in Arkansas, Sweden, Italy, New Zealand and other locations.

B. A study by the National Institute on Drug Abuse found that more high school seniors have smoked marijuana in the past 30 days (21.4 percent) than have smoked cigarettes (19.2 percent).

C. A Marshall University study found that climate, more so than marital status, number of children, income or any other factors was the leading predictor of an adult’s happiness.

5. Canceled!

A. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” will not be renewed for a second season due in part to potential conflicts in the event she runs for president,

B. Preliminary plans to film a sequel to “Moulin Rouge” were canceled when director Baz Luhrmann brusquely asked star actress Nicole Kidman, “Jesus, what happened to your face?”

C. The History Channel’s miniseries “The Kennedys” starring Greg Kinnear and Katie Holmes will not be aired in America, possibly because of concerns about accuracy—former Kennedy speechwriter Ted Sorensen said of the script, “Every single conversation with the president in the Oval Office or elsewhere in which I, according to the script, participated, never happened.”

6. Busted!

A. Saudi Arabian authorities arrested a vulture captured in a rural area of the country on charges of spying for Israel

B. Josh Holly, 21, who hacked into Miley Cyrus’s MySpace page, was arrested on unrelated charges.

C. The first violator of Switzerland’s ban on minarets was arrested and charged with public indecency.

7. Sexy High School Hijinks!

A. Alina Brito, a New York high school Spanish teacher, was fired when a janitor walked in on her topless while Cindy Mauro, a French teacher, was nude and kneeling between Ms. Brito’s legs. Ms. Brito claimed that her blood sugar was low, and so she was lying down, at which point Ms. Mauro took off her sweatshirt for Ms. Brito to use as a pillow, propped Ms. Brito’s legs up on a chair “to aid circulation” and kneeled besides her to administer an insulin shot, at which point the janitor walked in.

B. “Maury” had to restrict its “High School Pregnancy Test Spectacular” episode to certain markets after parents’ groups were concerned about a show where a Cleveland-area high school’s entire senior class would take a paternity test to see who had fathered one of the classmate’s children.

C. Investigators in Sacramento used a handwriting match to catch a 17-year-old criminal mastermind known as the “Sexy Letter Bandit” who was writing sexually explicit letters and leaving them for women in his neighborhood.

Answer key: 1A, 2A, 3A, 4C, 5B, 6C, 7B

@@line:If you got them all right, e-mail Jordan at jcarr1@stanford.edu.