Girl, You Know It’s True: The Worst Transitions

Opinion by Jordan Carr
Jan. 24, 2010, 10:57 p.m.

There has been a lot of news lately about how NBC botched its late night situation, leading Conan O’Brien to write a letter to “People of Earth” in which he bitterly noted, “It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule.”

Before leaving for good on Friday, Conan put “The Tonight Show” up for sale on Craigslist (barely used!), and spent the past few weeks mocking NBC, gloating about their losing hundreds of millions of dollars on the Winter Olympics, and announcing that he will refuse to move to a later time slot because “I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is [The Tonight Show’s] destruction.”

Amusingly enough, when Johnny Carson retired from The Tonight Show in 1992 after 30 years, Jay Leno jumped over heir apparent (and Carson’s choice) David Letterman, leading to a lot of broken friendships and hard feelings. So, in 2004, Leno announced his retirement from “The Tonight Show…effective in 2009. He did this because “I don’t want to see anybody go through that again.” Fortunately, no friendships seem to be damaged as O’Brien probably still holds a grudge from the time NBC Chief Mark Zucker got him arrested over a prank during their college days at Harvard, true story (no Pat Robertson).

Nevertheless, there have been rockier transitions over the course of history. Let’s come up with a few examples, shall we?

The French Revolution (1793-1794)

I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, but this period was called–by its supporters–the reign of terror.” Imagine if Barack Obama got up and said, “Listen, we need to start rounding up and killing dissidents. This is only going to last a few years, but after that the reign of terror will be over and everything will be fine.” It would be like if he actually advocated the secret death panels in the health care bill designed to “retire” your grandparents. Maximilien Robespierre said as much: “Terror is nothing else than swift, severe, indomitable justice; it flows, then, from virtue.” No wonder the French were pumped to have Napoleon lead them–he at least knew well enough to limit the indiscriminate killing to foreigners.

Kanye West (2005–)

First, there was that time at a Katrina telethon where Mike Myers said something about how New Orleans needs your support, to which Mr. West responded, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” Myers then literally did a double take and the camera cut to a shocked Chris Tucker. Then there was that time at the MTV Music Video Awards when we learned that Kanye West is the only person in the world who cares about the MTV Music Video Awards. He mic-jacked Taylor Swift, who was accepting her award for Best Female Video and famously said, “Yo, Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’mma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!” Is there any way to follow this guy on TV with anything other than stunned silence?

Star Wars: Episode 1 (1999)

How do you feel about Qui-Gon Jinn? Can you name one of his character traits? Long hair doesn’t count. For those of you who don’t remember the movie that well, it is basically like intergalactic C-SPAN–the plot centers around an embargo around Naboo (that’s a planet), imposed on the oddly anti-trade Trade Federation. There are all kinds of scenes that take place in some sort of overcrowded interplanetary senate where aliens and people fly around on space teacups debating trade policy. That the only character from this movie whose personality anyone can describe is Jar Jar Binks is not a good sign.

William Henry Harrison (1841)

Remember how Barack Obama had a big fancy transition team designed to make sure his administration was ready to operate on day one? I don’t think William Henry Harrison had one of those. Harrison was being inaugurated as our ninth President, and despite it being a wet and rainy day, he decided to deliver a two-hour-long speech while insisting on wearing only a pair of boxer shorts while sitting on an ice throne and drinking an Icee really quickly. Stunningly, he caught pneumonia and, despite all the best opium and leech-based treatments, died a month later. Though, in all fairness to Old Tippecanoe, it was an awesome speech and totally worth it.

In entirely unrelated news, this volume of The Daily is over at the end of the month and some changes will be made, including editor in chief and the editor who puts up ridiculous tags. Again, that is entirely unrelated to this column.

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